Wayne Bruzinski was driving to work when he saw a group of people standing around a Confederate flag brandishing signs that said "Heritage Not Hate" and "This Is Our History".
"Sweet, Duke Boys fans!" he thought to himself, making a mental note to stop by and hang out after work. He regretted having to work a long shift now that something sweet was going down. With a resigned sigh, Bruzinski drove the remaining two blocks to the Gas Up.
Wayne walked in the door flailing his arms and bellowed a hearty "WASSSUP BITCHES" to all in the store. His boss rolled his eyes and the customers just looked at him like he had two heads.
"Hi Wayne" his boss said.
"Duke Boys thing going on down the street" he replied.
"What?" his boss asked.
"Down the FUCKING street, that way" he said obnoxiously pointing his finger in the general direction. "Duke FUCKING Boys" he shouted, sliding across the counter like Luke Duke. "Gonna head there after work" he added.
His boss looked at him perplexed.
"They have the flag, the one that is on the door of the car... jesus christ" he said with resignation.
"Oh, those are the Confederate flag defenders, they are protesting because people want states to stop using that flag because it's offensive" his boss said.
"God damn it, it is a fictitious symbol from a TV show that isn't real!" Wayne exclaimed.
Knowing he wouldn't win the argument, Wayne's boss just said "Ok" and walked away. Bruzinski went about his day with the vigor you can only obtain by winning an argument.
7pm finally came and Wayne was ecstatic. He screamed "Deuces bitches" as he ran out the door. He jumped in his car and headed down to the place he had seen the congregation of people. There was a much larger group of people and things seemed to be getting hostile.
"Maybe the Manbat needs to check this out" he thought to himself. He pulled the car around the block and started to get undressed so he could put on his suit. An elderly couple was enjoying a glass on lemonade on their front porch when suddenly they were met with an eye-full of pressed ham as Manbat ass and balls were smushed tightly against the window of the car. After 2 minutes Wayne emerged from the car.
"Nobody wants to see that" the old lady said to him.
"Whatever lady, I have a sweet ass" he said back, flourishing his cape to show off his rear end in vinyl.
"Get out of here" said her husband.
"Deez nuts" Bruzinski said dismissively.
"Got 'em" said a random teenager walking down the street that happened to overhear Wayne.
The Manbat rounded the corner and headed for the crowd. He spotted a large, bald, shirtless man screaming at another large bald man in a pink polo. As he got closer he could start to hear the conversation.
"It's our history you fucking faggot" the the shirtless man exclaimed.
"That's the whole point! It's hate and bigotry! Your casual use of the world 'faggot' is a prime example of it" he brought to the man's attention.
Wayne strode right up between the two men. He eyed them curiously, first the man in the polo, then the shirtless man. "What is going on here" he asked.
"This little fairy girl has a problem with our flag" said the shirtless man.
"Because it is a symbol of hate and intolerance" the other man argued.
The masked vigilante considered the statements for a moment. "WELL GOD DAMN IT CAN WE AT LEAST AGREE THAT DAISY IS HOT?!?!?!?!" he screamed at the two men.
Both men looked perplexed.
"What the fuck are you talking about" said the shirtless man.
"Duke Boys motherfucker" Wayne said. "Isn't it enough that you guys both like the show, you gotta fight like idiots" he added.
"Who are you calling an idiot you little bitch" the shirtless man yelled.
"The IDIOT I'm looking at" Wayne said right back and added "plus gay marriage just passed so you can't go calling people 'faggot' anymore, you faggot".
The man exploded in anger and started for Wayne. The Manbat ran into the crowd but got stopped by some guys with Confederate flag hats. They grabbed him and turned him to face the shirtless man. He punched Bruzinski hard in the stomach. Wayne fell to the ground and when he did his bat shaped throwing knives penetrated their holsters and were pointed downward from his belt. The man in the pink shirt suddenly appeared and pushed the shirtless man to the ground. As he bent over the pick the man back up, the two guys in the Confederate hats pushed Wayne on top of him. The Manbat went head over heels over the still crouched man in the pink shirt, landing flat on his ass on the chest and neck area of the shirtless man. When he landed the bat knives stabbed the man hard in his chest and throat. When Wayne stood up the crowd was staring at him, horrified.
"You killed him" some people gasped.
Wayne turned around and looked down. "Huh... well he shouldn't have been a fucking asshole... anyway it was an accident, look" he said showing them the knives in his belt.
"It don't matter if it was an accident, you killed Cleetus" another man said.
"Well fuck him, and fuck you too" Bruzinski said.
Just then the man in pink grabbed the bat knives and started stabbing the man in the flag hat. The crowd erupted into violence. Wayne pulled out his pistol and fired it into the air. The crowd instantly was silent. The Manbat walked over to the corner where there was a newspaper box and jumped up on top of it.
"Alright listen here god damn it. I mistakenly thought that this was a gathering of fans of the Duke Boys, but it seems I was wrong. For that I am deeply disappointed, but what the fuck ever. My boss tried to tell me that it was a bunch of backwards ass country fucks out here whining about some flag and I didn't believe him. I guess he was right. I might not know a whole lot about that shit but I do know one thing for sure, you don't go around calling people names. That isn't what this country is. If you want to act like an asshole, go for it, but do it somewhere else. Why don't you start some kind of group that gets together and hates people. You can use this flag as your symbol, that way whenever anyone sees it they know that you are an asshole. How would you like that? Now get the fuck out of here before I kill the rest of you." he jumped down off the box and lunged forward towards the nearest person, making them flinch.
"That flag is already used to identify a hate group. It was used by the Confederacy prior to and during the Civil War as their National Flag. They tried to secede from the Union and start their own country. They defended slavery and bigotry." said the man in the pink shirt.
"Sounds like a bunch of assholes to me" Wayne answered.
Shortly after that the police showed up and arrested Wayne and the man in the pink shirt and charged them with manslaughter and 2nd degree murder respectively. Wayne also got a secondary indecent exposure charge for having shown his ass to the old people.
