Happy Birthday Manbat

It was late and Wayne had left the Gas Up feeling a little blue. It was his birthday and none of his friends were down to party. Jason said he was busy and everyone else appernetly had lives and no time to get shit faced with Wayne.
"Fuck em." He said aloud to no one as he pulled his car into the apartment parking lot. All the spots in front were full so Wayne pulled to the rear of his building and was forced to park next to the dumpster.
"Smells like a hooker's butthole out here." He complained as he extracted himself from the car.
He made his way to the back entrance of his building when he noticed a faint glow from his back bedroom window.
He was sure he left no lights on and he definitely didn't open the window. But there it was , partially open to the chill night air.
"Intruders!" He whispered excitedly under his breath. "I guess I celebrate the Manbat way."
Suddenly a faint voice drifted down. Something about "getting him" and "he will never see it coming."
He stormed to his car muttering under his breath. "They're gonna get me alright, get my fist in their asshole." He raged on quietly, spitting with excitement. "I'll fuck their asses with my foot."
He popped the trunk on the Ltd and grabbed the duffle containing his suit. He was off behind the dumpster and dropping his drawers and popping his shirt off to get suited up.
"What the fuck?".
The Manbat looked up to see one of his neighbors carrying a bag of trash.
"You fucking pervert, I'm calling the cops."
Wayne was standing more or less naked with his mask over his face and quickly covered his junk with the Cape as he pulled a knock out pellet from his duffle. He flung it at the guy and the cloud enveloped him. He gasped and choked and fell to the ground vomiting and wheezing. He quickly lost consciosness.
"Sorry citizen, but justice must be served." Wayne said as he finished lacing up his boots.
A quick run around the building and the Manbat burst into the stairwell and ascended to his apartment. His front door was slightly ajar and he crept in quiet. He heard more sounds from inside, murmured whispers he couldn't make out. Deciding not to fuck around he kicked the door hard and then charged in fist first. The door made a solid connection with someone and the person fell to the ground. The Manbat stepped on him as he passed. Confused shouts from mutiple people began as Wayne punched and kicked the dark figures within his abode. One was smaller and looked as if they cradled something in their arms. The Manbat kicked the offending item much like a kicker does a football. A wet sticky substance shot everywhere including into the Intruders face. He grabbed the offender and punched hard, dropping the person to the ground. Suddenly the lights went on.
"The lights won't help, I will destroy you all!" Wayne shouted.
He looked back at the door, Jason was standing there bleeding from the mouth and staring in shock at the dark vigilante.
Suddenly realizing things weren't what they seemed Wayne tore his mask off and looked at Jason. "What the fuck, why did you break into my apartment?". Wayne looked over on the floor to see his elderly land lady laying there covered in blood and cake.
Before Jason could answer a shot rang out and The Manbat hit the floor with his hands on his butt.
"Oh my ass is fucked!" Wayne bellowed while writhing on the floor.
Jason had a buddy who was an avid gun enthusiest. With a membership to the NRA and a concealed carry permit the man was never without his trusty .25 automatic pistol. He had pulled the firearm and missed center mass badly, burying the bullet deep in the soft tissue of Wayne's ass.
"What the fuck, Wayne? You're the asshole that's been parading around the city like a crime fighter." Jason exclaimed.

A few days later Wayne was at the hospital recovering and awaiting a court appereance. He had several counts of assualt and menacing facing him. And not just from the encounter at his apartment but from all the other people he had violently beaten as The Manbat. It seemed every hour a new person stepped forward with a story about Wayne. He was also looking at criminal charges for exposing himself and poisoning his neighbor.
The man that shot Wayne was hailed as a hero, the Manbat was not happy about that. To top it off his land lady was evicting him and his cousin that he punched during the surprise party had lead Wayne's family to disown him.
Jason had come to the hospital to check on Wayne.
"You okay man?" He asked the fallen Manbat.
"Yeah" Wayne whinced, "I think I'll be okay."
"Good, because when you get out I'm gonna fucking kill you, asshole." Jason said as he walked to the door. He turned before leaving. "Happy Birthday Manbat."

The Manbat Saves Wanye Bruzinski

Wayne was working a late shift at the Gas Up because it was his co-worker's birthday.  That didn't stop him from telling whoever would listen about how he got "fucked" and had to work late.  Wayne hated the late shift because he would rather be out fighting crime.  Little did he know what lay in store for him.

The Gas Up wasn't open very late by modern standards.  The station closed at 11pm.  Wayne also hated the late shift because everyone would make a mad dash for beer between 10:30 and 11.  This particular night was pretty slow though.  "Oh shit, must be that game that's going on" he said aloud.  There was a college basketball game going on and most of the people had probably gone to the game.

It was about 10:47pm and Wayne was sitting on his ass, watching the clock.  "God damn it, COME ON" he screamed at the clock.  Just then a car pulled into the station.  "Mother FUCK" he said as he pulled his feet down from the counter and stood up.

A man in a balaclava walked in the door.  "Sweet digs" Wayne said to the man.

"Shut the fuck up and put all the money in a bag" the man replied while simultaneously drawing a gun and pointing it at Wayne.

"Pig fucker" Wayne muttered as he started for the plastic bags.  He stopped as an idea came into his head.  "I already made the last drop for the night so the drawer is pretty low" he lied to the man.

"I don't care, empty it" he said.

"As luck would have it sir, I am the assistant manager and have keys to the safe in the back" he continued his elaborate ruse, "There is a camera in the back, but none up here.  If you let me go back there I can get you a lot more money".

"How do I know you won't pull something?" the man asked.

 "Cuz I don't give a fuck about this shithole" Wayne answered, and he wasn't really lying.

"Make it quick" the man said.  "You have two minutes"

Wayne nodded and went into the back room.  His duffle bag was under the sink, which he grabbed as he passed.  He started getting changed into his costume and the man yelled to him "What is taking so long?".

"KEEP YOUR FUCKING PANTS ON" Wayne screamed back while he was removing his own, "I FORGOT THERE IS A TIME DELAY ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT, IF YOU HAVE SOME GOD DAMNED PATIENCE I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU".  Wayne pulled on his mask and made for the back door.  He walked out the door and climbed the ladder to the roof.  He peered through the vent and could see the man pacing back and forth.  He kept walking underneath where the industrial A/C unit was.  The Manbat concocted a sweet idea.

Wayne moved over to the vent that went into the back room.  "Safe is open, I'm loading up the loot now" he said.  "Wait by the beef jerky and I'll bring it out and 30 seconds".

"Okay, but you better hurry the fuck up" the man said.

The Manbat scurried across the roof, back over to the vent above the main store.  He could see the man in the exact position he indicated.  There was a 2x4 holding the old A/C unit up.  Wayne's boss had called the repair place several times but they were dragging their feet on coming out to fix it.  All he had to do is pull out the 2x4 and the thing would go crashing down on the bad guy.

The dark vigilante was thinking about how fucking awesome this was going to be.  "JUSTICE" he screamed as he pulled out the 2x4.  The A/C buckled but did not fall.  "YOU COCKSUCKER" said the Manbat and without thinking he jumped onto the unit.  The weight of him crashing down broke the unit free and both it and the Manbat fell through the roof onto the man below.

Amazingly Wayne was perfectly fine and even managed to land on his feet.  "They say the Manbat is a fucking pimp" he said out loud.

"Ooooooh" the man said from beneath the A/C unit.  Wayne looked over at him and saw a large pool of blood welling around the man.  The source of the blood was a large, ragged hole in the man's torso from which his broken rib-cage could be seen.  "Call help, I'm fuckin' dying here" he managed to say.

"Oh so you're about THAT life now?" Wayne asked him.  The Manbat picked up the phone and first called the news station, then the police.  After he hung up the phone the 2nd time he went in the back and changed back into his regular clothes.  When he came back out he put all the money in a plastic bag and set it behind the counter.  The cops and the media both arrived on the scene within seconds of each other.

"Jesus Christ" the cop said when he entered the store.  "We've got a body".

The cop asked Wayne to tell him what happened.  Wayne regaled him with a tall tale about a man in a bat suit that had rescued him.  The journalist was jotting things down as Wayne was recounting the story to the officer.  Just then Wayne's boss walked through the door.  He identified himself and engaged the police in conversation.

Meanwhile, Wayne was being interviewed by the news.  They asked him to tell the story of the encounter.  He told them everything; how the man came in and demanded money, how he himself put the money in the bag, how the guy was pacing around, how he was about to take him out but a man in a bat suit crashed through the ceiling.  "He was amazing, like a warrior of justice and goodness.  He was doing karate and he straight up DESTROYED that guy" he said, motioning to the dead robber under the A/C unit.

"Were you scared?" they asked him.

"Shit no, I ain't a bitch" he snapped back.

They wrapped up the night and Wayne's boss spoke with him to ask him some questions about the situation.  After the conversation, Wayne went home.  He turned on the news to see his interview.  He was disappointed that they only used on part of one line from the entire interview.

"He was dressed like a bat" then they cut to another shot of him saying "He was amazing".

Wayne rolled his eyes.  "Son of a bitch" he said.  He called the news office and asked for the manager.  He called him a "stupid cunt" and said "you wouldn't know journalism if it looked like a hamburger and shoved itself up your fat ass".  Smugly he hung up the phone and laughed.  He was the Manbat.