Carnival Cappers

The sun was high in the sky as Wayne sat behind the counter at the Gas-Up waiting for his shift to end. His coworker was late and Wayne was already tired and pissed off. He flipped through a newspaper, spitting a piece on a local carnival and how each year people complained of having their pockets picked and items stolen from vehicles. Despite this thw carnival always had a massive turn out. 

“Crime” Wayne said under his breath as he read over the article. The door chime went off and he looked up to see a short, pudgey lady in her twenty waddle through the door.

“About time Amanda” Wayne says and drops the newspaper. “You’re a fucking hour and a half late”

She muttered some apology and Wayne hopped over the counter and headed to the door. “This is why you don’t get any dick” 

“Fuck you wayne” Amanda yells as he walks out the door.

It didn’t matter, Wayne got in his old LTD and the engine wheezed to life. He drove quickly to the local carnival and parked among the mass of cars scattered about a large field. He grabbed his duffel bag from the back seat and walked towards the front gate. There was a small line already formed and Wayne stood at the back with his duffle over his shoulder. After several minutes he approached the ticket booth.

“You can’t bring that bag in here” the bored looking guy at the booth said without so much as looking up at Wayne.

“I need it, it has my insulin in it” Wayne lied.

“I don’t fucking care, you can’t have it” the man said.

Wayne tried to protest but everyone in line started telling him to fuck off. 

Wayne walked away muttering, “this is bullshit, fucking discrimination, fucking dick dogs”

Wayne looked around and saw a line of port-a-potties and changed into his Man-Bat costume inside the hot, shit smelling little booth. He was already sweating hard, cursing the vinyl costume. “It’s hotter that two boys fucking in here”

Wayne made his way back to the ticket booth. “I am the Man-Bat” Wayne tells the guy at the booth.

“You look like some fucking hillbilly Cenobite. Good for you.” The man replies.

“I need entry to foil the pick pockets” Wayne replies.

“The fee is six dollars” the guy leans back. “Buy a ticket and you can fondle any pockets you want”

Wayne frowns and pulls a wad of sweaty money from inside his trunks. He drops it on the counter and the man puts a plastic bracelet on Wayne’s right wrist. Wayne flourishes his cape, catching it on some kids behind him foiling his dramatic entrance. 

“God damn kids” he mutters and storms off into the carnival. He walks around for hours looking for any criminal activity. He sees nothing. Wayne stops at a food wagon.

“I’m watching for any danger or criminals. Habe you seen any?” He asks the workers.

The girl in the food wagon laughs. “Oh my god, that’s so cute. Do you want a funnel cake”

“God damn it don’t laugh at me. I’m serious. I’m the fucking Man-Bat. I am terror, I am the dark. I am the Man-Bat!” Wayne declares as he flourishes his cape again. 

The girl just stares at him awkwardly for a few seconds.

“I’ll take a funnel cake and a lemonade I guess.” Wayne says quietly.

Wayne sits on the top of a picnic table eating funnel cake and drinking lemonade, night has fallen. He looks when he hears a man yelling and cussing. He quickly drops the food and jogs around some tents to see a man fighting with a carnie at a game tent.

“This game is fucking rigged man!” The guy yells. 

Wayne moves quickly, he sprints in and stand between the carnie and the upset man. “What’s this all about?”

“This god damn game is rigged, this whole place is a a scam.” The man yells. 

Wayne looks at the carnie, he just shrugs. “Dude is pissed because he didn’t knock down the targets with the baseballs” the carnie explains.

Wayne picks up a baseball and throw it at the target. It bounces off. “Shenanigans! It is rigged. This whole place is one giant heap of criminal scum. How can you be part of this?” Wayne starts to read the carnie the riot act.

“Dude, fuck off.” The carnie puts up a closed sign on his game tent and walks away. The upset guy also walks away. 

“I have too shut this place down and save all these people being scammed.” Wayne mutters as he walks away. He goes behind thw game booths and looks around. His mind racing on how he can sabatoge this place to stop it from ripping people off. He walks until he spots what appears to be a control panel connected to a large generator. The generator is loud and many thick wires run from it to various tents and rides. 

“Jack pot, this carnival will fear the dark and the Man-Bat” Wayne looks around until he spots and empty keg. He walks over to it and rolls it to the control panel. He lifts thw keg and throws it as hard as he can. What the keg hits is a transformer and there’s a giant flash and a loud tearing spound happen immediately. A fire breaks out across the jacks of the game tents and the carnival is plunged into darkness. 

Screams and confused shouts rise into a cacophony of chaotic sound. Someone screams fire. Wayne stares for a few minutes before he backs away and starts to run toward the main gate. He makes it out from behind the tent and sees the pandemonium he has caused. People run back and forth and push and snarl at each other. The tents are going up in flames like flash paper. A thick, choking smoke hangs in the air. Wayne tries to flee but keeps running into people. His cape catches on something and his feet fly out from under him. He lands hards.

“Oh fuck my ass!” Wayne rolls and tries to stand. “My assholes is shattered!” The last thing Wayne sees is feet running toward him before he is kicked in the head by fleeing patrons.

In the aftermath authorities are not sure how the fire broke out at the local carnival. Lives were lost to fire related deaths and trampling. Wayne was rescued and spent time in a local hospital for head trauma. He watched the news from his hospital bed and congratulated himself on his mission.

End-

The Manbat Tackles Turmoil

Wayne Bruzinski was tired of listening to the sound of his neighbors fighting. The man would cuss and yell all day and the woman had recently been crying a lot. Perhaps it was time for the Manbat to intervene, perhaps...

Wayne exited his apartment into the hall to leave for work. As he walked down the corridor the woman from the adjacent unit stepped out. She looked like she was upset, eyes red and her nose puffy, she put on sunglasses quickly and locked her door. She started to pass Wayne and he stopped her by holding his hand out in front of her. She looked up.
"Excuse me." She said as she tried to pass.
"I've heard all the noise from your apartment lately, I know a friend that can help." Wayne said in a low voice.
"Oh," She turned red with embarrassment. "Its not a big deal, I'm sorry it's been a nuisance." She was sheepish and moved around Wayne.
Wayne watched her walk away and understood she was trapped in an abusive situation. He pulled out his cell phone, rang work and told his boss he wouldn't be in.

Later that evening, around dusk, the Manbat now stood in the small collection of trees across from his apartment building. He had binoculars and was watching the apartment of his neighbor. She hadn't returned yet, or at least he didn't think so. He saw a few glimpses of the guy she lived with. He didn't seem so intimidating, youngish, blonde, tended to talk to himself and act erratically. He thought the man had spotted him but he wasn't sure. After a few minutes he was certain he wasn't compromised.
The Manbat ducked down as head lights splashed onto the road in front of him and a car sailed from the street into the apartment lot. It was the neighbor lady, she left the car quickly and sprinted toward the building glancing behind her as she went. Wayne lifted his binoculars and looked at the apartment again. The man must have demanded she come home, he could hear yelling again. She had looked distraught when she got out of the car.
This was it. "She needs me..." the Manbat whispered as he dropped the binoculars and raced out of the trees. The sound of sirens was in the air as he ran. 'This town is full of danger and evil doers.' Wayne thought to himself. 'I will not let the next sound of sirens be my neighbors fate.'
He tore into the building and rushed up the stairs. He hit the hallway at a stride and didn't even hesitate before lifting a foot and kicking in his neighbors door. He crashed through and stopped dead in his tracks when something pierced his chest and then it was all fire and pain as he hit the ground.
His neighbor stood a couple feet away, holding down the trigger of the taser she held. The man standing behind her making sounds and shifting around. Suddenly the pain stopped and Wayne looked up at the woman. "The police are on the way, don't move or I'll zap you again."
"What the fuck...." wayne tried to grumble as he drooled and twitched on the floor.
The cops arrived shortly and arrested the Manbat. The woman had come home after her younger brother called and said a man in a mask had been watching him for a majority of the day. The woman's brother had recently moved in after her mother passed away. Hence the crying, as for the behavoir and yelling, her brother had tourette's syndrome. The Manbat was sentenced to probation and community service for a couple years and spent six months in county jail. He was also evicted from his apartment.
The Manbat Stikes Back Again....

Happy Birthday Manbat

It was late and Wayne had left the Gas Up feeling a little blue. It was his birthday and none of his friends were down to party. Jason said he was busy and everyone else appernetly had lives and no time to get shit faced with Wayne.
"Fuck em." He said aloud to no one as he pulled his car into the apartment parking lot. All the spots in front were full so Wayne pulled to the rear of his building and was forced to park next to the dumpster.
"Smells like a hooker's butthole out here." He complained as he extracted himself from the car.
He made his way to the back entrance of his building when he noticed a faint glow from his back bedroom window.
He was sure he left no lights on and he definitely didn't open the window. But there it was , partially open to the chill night air.
"Intruders!" He whispered excitedly under his breath. "I guess I celebrate the Manbat way."
Suddenly a faint voice drifted down. Something about "getting him" and "he will never see it coming."
He stormed to his car muttering under his breath. "They're gonna get me alright, get my fist in their asshole." He raged on quietly, spitting with excitement. "I'll fuck their asses with my foot."
He popped the trunk on the Ltd and grabbed the duffle containing his suit. He was off behind the dumpster and dropping his drawers and popping his shirt off to get suited up.
"What the fuck?".
The Manbat looked up to see one of his neighbors carrying a bag of trash.
"You fucking pervert, I'm calling the cops."
Wayne was standing more or less naked with his mask over his face and quickly covered his junk with the Cape as he pulled a knock out pellet from his duffle. He flung it at the guy and the cloud enveloped him. He gasped and choked and fell to the ground vomiting and wheezing. He quickly lost consciosness.
"Sorry citizen, but justice must be served." Wayne said as he finished lacing up his boots.
A quick run around the building and the Manbat burst into the stairwell and ascended to his apartment. His front door was slightly ajar and he crept in quiet. He heard more sounds from inside, murmured whispers he couldn't make out. Deciding not to fuck around he kicked the door hard and then charged in fist first. The door made a solid connection with someone and the person fell to the ground. The Manbat stepped on him as he passed. Confused shouts from mutiple people began as Wayne punched and kicked the dark figures within his abode. One was smaller and looked as if they cradled something in their arms. The Manbat kicked the offending item much like a kicker does a football. A wet sticky substance shot everywhere including into the Intruders face. He grabbed the offender and punched hard, dropping the person to the ground. Suddenly the lights went on.
"The lights won't help, I will destroy you all!" Wayne shouted.
He looked back at the door, Jason was standing there bleeding from the mouth and staring in shock at the dark vigilante.
Suddenly realizing things weren't what they seemed Wayne tore his mask off and looked at Jason. "What the fuck, why did you break into my apartment?". Wayne looked over on the floor to see his elderly land lady laying there covered in blood and cake.
Before Jason could answer a shot rang out and The Manbat hit the floor with his hands on his butt.
"Oh my ass is fucked!" Wayne bellowed while writhing on the floor.
Jason had a buddy who was an avid gun enthusiest. With a membership to the NRA and a concealed carry permit the man was never without his trusty .25 automatic pistol. He had pulled the firearm and missed center mass badly, burying the bullet deep in the soft tissue of Wayne's ass.
"What the fuck, Wayne? You're the asshole that's been parading around the city like a crime fighter." Jason exclaimed.

A few days later Wayne was at the hospital recovering and awaiting a court appereance. He had several counts of assualt and menacing facing him. And not just from the encounter at his apartment but from all the other people he had violently beaten as The Manbat. It seemed every hour a new person stepped forward with a story about Wayne. He was also looking at criminal charges for exposing himself and poisoning his neighbor.
The man that shot Wayne was hailed as a hero, the Manbat was not happy about that. To top it off his land lady was evicting him and his cousin that he punched during the surprise party had lead Wayne's family to disown him.
Jason had come to the hospital to check on Wayne.
"You okay man?" He asked the fallen Manbat.
"Yeah" Wayne whinced, "I think I'll be okay."
"Good, because when you get out I'm gonna fucking kill you, asshole." Jason said as he walked to the door. He turned before leaving. "Happy Birthday Manbat."

The Manbat Saves Wanye Bruzinski

Wayne was working a late shift at the Gas Up because it was his co-worker's birthday.  That didn't stop him from telling whoever would listen about how he got "fucked" and had to work late.  Wayne hated the late shift because he would rather be out fighting crime.  Little did he know what lay in store for him.

The Gas Up wasn't open very late by modern standards.  The station closed at 11pm.  Wayne also hated the late shift because everyone would make a mad dash for beer between 10:30 and 11.  This particular night was pretty slow though.  "Oh shit, must be that game that's going on" he said aloud.  There was a college basketball game going on and most of the people had probably gone to the game.

It was about 10:47pm and Wayne was sitting on his ass, watching the clock.  "God damn it, COME ON" he screamed at the clock.  Just then a car pulled into the station.  "Mother FUCK" he said as he pulled his feet down from the counter and stood up.

A man in a balaclava walked in the door.  "Sweet digs" Wayne said to the man.

"Shut the fuck up and put all the money in a bag" the man replied while simultaneously drawing a gun and pointing it at Wayne.

"Pig fucker" Wayne muttered as he started for the plastic bags.  He stopped as an idea came into his head.  "I already made the last drop for the night so the drawer is pretty low" he lied to the man.

"I don't care, empty it" he said.

"As luck would have it sir, I am the assistant manager and have keys to the safe in the back" he continued his elaborate ruse, "There is a camera in the back, but none up here.  If you let me go back there I can get you a lot more money".

"How do I know you won't pull something?" the man asked.

 "Cuz I don't give a fuck about this shithole" Wayne answered, and he wasn't really lying.

"Make it quick" the man said.  "You have two minutes"

Wayne nodded and went into the back room.  His duffle bag was under the sink, which he grabbed as he passed.  He started getting changed into his costume and the man yelled to him "What is taking so long?".

"KEEP YOUR FUCKING PANTS ON" Wayne screamed back while he was removing his own, "I FORGOT THERE IS A TIME DELAY ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT, IF YOU HAVE SOME GOD DAMNED PATIENCE I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU".  Wayne pulled on his mask and made for the back door.  He walked out the door and climbed the ladder to the roof.  He peered through the vent and could see the man pacing back and forth.  He kept walking underneath where the industrial A/C unit was.  The Manbat concocted a sweet idea.

Wayne moved over to the vent that went into the back room.  "Safe is open, I'm loading up the loot now" he said.  "Wait by the beef jerky and I'll bring it out and 30 seconds".

"Okay, but you better hurry the fuck up" the man said.

The Manbat scurried across the roof, back over to the vent above the main store.  He could see the man in the exact position he indicated.  There was a 2x4 holding the old A/C unit up.  Wayne's boss had called the repair place several times but they were dragging their feet on coming out to fix it.  All he had to do is pull out the 2x4 and the thing would go crashing down on the bad guy.

The dark vigilante was thinking about how fucking awesome this was going to be.  "JUSTICE" he screamed as he pulled out the 2x4.  The A/C buckled but did not fall.  "YOU COCKSUCKER" said the Manbat and without thinking he jumped onto the unit.  The weight of him crashing down broke the unit free and both it and the Manbat fell through the roof onto the man below.

Amazingly Wayne was perfectly fine and even managed to land on his feet.  "They say the Manbat is a fucking pimp" he said out loud.

"Ooooooh" the man said from beneath the A/C unit.  Wayne looked over at him and saw a large pool of blood welling around the man.  The source of the blood was a large, ragged hole in the man's torso from which his broken rib-cage could be seen.  "Call help, I'm fuckin' dying here" he managed to say.

"Oh so you're about THAT life now?" Wayne asked him.  The Manbat picked up the phone and first called the news station, then the police.  After he hung up the phone the 2nd time he went in the back and changed back into his regular clothes.  When he came back out he put all the money in a plastic bag and set it behind the counter.  The cops and the media both arrived on the scene within seconds of each other.

"Jesus Christ" the cop said when he entered the store.  "We've got a body".

The cop asked Wayne to tell him what happened.  Wayne regaled him with a tall tale about a man in a bat suit that had rescued him.  The journalist was jotting things down as Wayne was recounting the story to the officer.  Just then Wayne's boss walked through the door.  He identified himself and engaged the police in conversation.

Meanwhile, Wayne was being interviewed by the news.  They asked him to tell the story of the encounter.  He told them everything; how the man came in and demanded money, how he himself put the money in the bag, how the guy was pacing around, how he was about to take him out but a man in a bat suit crashed through the ceiling.  "He was amazing, like a warrior of justice and goodness.  He was doing karate and he straight up DESTROYED that guy" he said, motioning to the dead robber under the A/C unit.

"Were you scared?" they asked him.

"Shit no, I ain't a bitch" he snapped back.

They wrapped up the night and Wayne's boss spoke with him to ask him some questions about the situation.  After the conversation, Wayne went home.  He turned on the news to see his interview.  He was disappointed that they only used on part of one line from the entire interview.

"He was dressed like a bat" then they cut to another shot of him saying "He was amazing".

Wayne rolled his eyes.  "Son of a bitch" he said.  He called the news office and asked for the manager.  He called him a "stupid cunt" and said "you wouldn't know journalism if it looked like a hamburger and shoved itself up your fat ass".  Smugly he hung up the phone and laughed.  He was the Manbat.

The Manbat vs. The Confederate States of America

Wayne Bruzinski was driving to work when he saw a group of people standing around a Confederate flag brandishing signs that said "Heritage Not Hate" and "This Is Our History".

"Sweet, Duke Boys fans!" he thought to himself, making a mental note to stop by and hang out after work.  He regretted having to work a long shift now that something sweet was going down.  With a resigned sigh, Bruzinski drove the remaining two blocks to the Gas Up.

Wayne walked in the door flailing his arms and bellowed a hearty "WASSSUP BITCHES" to all in the store.  His boss rolled his eyes and the customers just looked at him like he had two heads.

"Hi Wayne" his boss said.

"Duke Boys thing going on down the street" he replied.

"What?" his boss asked.

"Down the FUCKING street, that way" he said obnoxiously pointing his finger in the general direction.  "Duke FUCKING Boys" he shouted, sliding across the counter like Luke Duke.  "Gonna head there after work" he added.

His boss looked at him perplexed.

"They have the flag, the one that is on the door of the car... jesus christ" he said with resignation.

"Oh, those are the Confederate flag defenders, they are protesting because people want states to stop using that flag because it's offensive" his boss said.

"God damn it, it is a fictitious symbol from a TV show that isn't real!" Wayne exclaimed.

Knowing he wouldn't win the argument, Wayne's boss just said "Ok" and walked away.  Bruzinski went about his day with the vigor you can only obtain by winning an argument.

7pm finally came and Wayne was ecstatic.  He screamed "Deuces bitches" as he ran out the door.  He jumped in his car and headed down to the place he had seen the congregation of people.  There was a much larger group of people and things seemed to be getting hostile.

"Maybe the Manbat needs to check this out" he thought to himself.  He pulled the car around the block and started to get undressed so he could put on his suit.  An elderly couple was enjoying a glass on lemonade on their front porch when suddenly they were met with an eye-full of pressed ham as Manbat ass and balls were smushed tightly against the window of the car.  After 2 minutes Wayne emerged from the car.

"Nobody wants to see that" the old lady said to him.

"Whatever lady, I have a sweet ass" he said back, flourishing his cape to show off his rear end in vinyl.

"Get out of here" said her husband.

"Deez nuts" Bruzinski said dismissively.

"Got 'em" said a random teenager walking down the street that happened to overhear Wayne.

The Manbat rounded the corner and headed for the crowd.  He spotted a large, bald, shirtless man screaming at another large bald man in a pink polo.  As he got closer he could start to hear the conversation.

"It's our history you fucking faggot" the the shirtless man exclaimed.

"That's the whole point!  It's hate and bigotry!  Your casual use of the world 'faggot' is a prime example of it" he brought to the man's attention.

Wayne strode right up between the two men.  He eyed them curiously, first the man in the polo, then the shirtless man.  "What is going on here" he asked.

"This little fairy girl has a problem with our flag" said the shirtless man.

"Because it is a symbol of hate and intolerance" the other man argued.

The masked vigilante considered the statements for a moment.  "WELL GOD DAMN IT CAN WE AT LEAST AGREE THAT DAISY IS HOT?!?!?!?!" he screamed at the two men.

Both men looked perplexed.

"What the fuck are you talking about" said the shirtless man.

"Duke Boys motherfucker" Wayne said.  "Isn't it enough that you guys both like the show, you gotta fight like idiots" he added.

"Who are you calling an idiot you little bitch" the shirtless man yelled.

"The IDIOT I'm looking at" Wayne said right back and added "plus gay marriage just passed so you can't go calling people 'faggot' anymore, you faggot".

The man exploded in anger and started for Wayne.  The Manbat ran into the crowd but got stopped by some guys with Confederate flag hats.  They grabbed him and turned him to face the shirtless man.  He punched Bruzinski hard in the stomach.  Wayne fell to the ground and when he did his bat shaped throwing knives penetrated their holsters and were pointed downward from his belt.  The man in the pink shirt suddenly appeared and pushed the shirtless man to the ground.  As he bent over the pick the man back up, the two guys in the Confederate hats pushed Wayne on top of him.  The Manbat went head over heels over the still crouched man in the pink shirt, landing flat on his ass on the chest and neck area of the shirtless man.  When he landed the bat knives stabbed the man hard in his chest and throat.  When Wayne stood up the crowd was staring at him, horrified.

"You killed him" some people gasped.

Wayne turned around and looked down.  "Huh... well he shouldn't have been a fucking asshole... anyway it was an accident, look" he said showing them the knives in his belt.

"It don't matter if it was an accident, you killed Cleetus" another man said.

"Well fuck him, and fuck you too" Bruzinski said.

Just then the man in pink grabbed the bat knives and started stabbing the man in the flag hat.  The crowd erupted into violence.  Wayne pulled out his pistol and fired it into the air.  The crowd instantly was silent.  The Manbat walked over to the corner where there was a newspaper box and jumped up on top of it.

"Alright listen here god damn it.  I mistakenly thought that this was a gathering of fans of the Duke Boys, but it seems I was wrong.  For that I am deeply disappointed, but what the fuck ever.  My boss tried to tell me that it was a bunch of backwards ass country fucks out here whining about some flag and I didn't believe him.  I guess he was right.  I might not know a whole lot about that shit but I do know one thing for sure, you don't go around calling people names.  That isn't what this country is.  If you want to act like an asshole, go for it, but do it somewhere else.  Why don't you start some kind of group that gets together and hates people.  You can use this flag as your symbol, that way whenever anyone sees it they know that you are an asshole.  How would you like that?  Now get the fuck out of here before I kill the rest of you." he jumped down off the box and lunged forward towards the nearest person, making them flinch.

"That flag is already used to identify a hate group.  It was used by the Confederacy prior to and during the Civil War as their National Flag.  They tried to secede from the Union and start their own country.  They defended slavery and bigotry." said the man in the pink shirt.

"Sounds like a bunch of assholes to me" Wayne answered.

Shortly after that the police showed up and arrested Wayne and the man in the pink shirt and charged them with manslaughter and 2nd degree murder respectively.  Wayne also got a secondary indecent exposure charge for having shown his ass to the old people.

The Manbat: Wrong Turn For Justice!

The Manbat suit was freshly donned as Wayne stepped out into the night. He made his was to the Manbatmobile and jumped inside. He fired it right up after the fifth or sixth try and motored onto the street. Tonight was a training run for the Manbat and his trusty rusty stank-ass broke down piece of shit LTD. (Shit smelled like the inside of a fake leg, no joke.) Tonight the Manbat would pull off the amazing ninety degree turn so famously shown in that sixties super hero show.


He had his crossbow and some steel cable tested at about 500lbs. It was all hooked up to a bolt and ready to fire. Wayne knew the place to test it out and he drove there as fast as the sputtering derelict on wheels could muster. Down by the train track was an ancient old power pole; all wood and bigger around than two Manbat arm lengths. The hero would fire the bolt at the pole and create a fulcrum to allow highspeed turns that would be all fucking sweet and shit and totally ditch the pigs when they try to stop his vigilante tactics.


"I'm the mother fucking Manbat
I'm the mother fucking night
I don't run like a bitch
I stand my ground and fight" He sang as he drove.


"If your a criminal
and your breaking all the laws
Don't hide inside your house
Cause I'll be down the chimney like Santa fucking Clause!" He's pounded on the steering wheel and bobbing his head around in his mask like a dick in dark condom.


"I'm fighting all the crime
Cause everywhere is where I am
Bust into your lair
Like I'm the kool-aid fucking man!"


"Ah shit here it is." Wayne said as his song concluded.


He revved the engines and speed up jamming the crossbow out the broken window (he had to smash that shit with a brick the day before so he could fire from inside the car) and took aim. He fired and the line snapped as the bolt left the bow. The cable snapped back and slashed his throat causing him to swerve off the road and into a ditch. His body was found the next day along with a homeless man pinned to and old boxcar with the bolt he fired about fifty feet way.


All hail the Manbat.

The Manbat: Shit Just Got Real

Wayne Bruzinski was sitting at work reading the paper on a Thursday morning.  The headline read "Local Rapstar Big Sleezy Suspected of Rape".  He read the article in its entirety, then in disbelief said aloud, "Damn you Big Sleezy, looks like we need to have a chat".


Part of the article read like this; "Rapper, LeMonjello Washington, aka "Big Sleezy" has been making a name for himself trying to bring about a resurgence of the 90s "gangsta rap" genre.  Getting his name in the news frequently was all part of Washington's plan to lend a sense of legitimacy to his claim to be a "real G".  He was recently in a bar brawl in a Columbus area club that was started when he punched out a bouncer for "getting all up on him".  14 people, including Washington, were arrested."


"This mu'fucker needs to reccanize" Wayne said with his best impersonation of a gangsta rapper.  "I'm 'boutsta get all real on his punk ass".


Bruzinski worked the rest of his shift and then went home.  "Better wait for the weekend so I can post up at the Mancave for this one".  He unwound Manbat style and went to bed.


The next day as Wayne was shaving he made up a rap song about how badass he was and how he was going to take down Washington.


"The Manbat is a motherfucking pimp,
straight packin' up bad guys like bubba gump shrimp,
gonna thwart crime when it shows its ugly mug,
show you it ain't worth bein' a thug,
usin' all the tools in his basket,
The Manbat will fast track yo' ass to the casket"


Wayne threw up his hand in the shape of a W, crossed his arms and cocked his head back.  "With a fresh beat that shit would be the dope nuggets" he declared.


Bruzinski got dressed and went to work.  The day dragged on because he was anticipating the forthcoming weekend.  Finally, the day was over and Wayne headed for the Mancave.


Once Bruzinski got to his destination, he started combing the internet for any indication of the whereabouts of Washington.  It wasn't long before he found that "Big Sleezy" was performing at a club in Columbus.  "Guess I'm gonna do dinner and a show" he said to himself.


Wayne took a shower and got dressed.  He put most of his suit on under his clothes and pocketed his mask.  He grabbed the keys to the Manbatmobile from his bat logo mug and headed out.  An hour later he arrived at the club.


Bruzinski had been standing in line for about 20 minutes and was starting to get antsy.  He reminded himself that he needed to blend in and communicate with these people in their own dialect.  There were two guys in line directly in front of him talking about how awesome Big Sleezy was.  Wayne chimed in on the conversation. 

"Dat mofo is fresh 2 def fo' rizzle" he said. 

The two guys eyed him curiously. 

"Whachoo know 'bout Big Sleezy" one of them asked. 

"I know he knocked a mu'fucker out for gettin' in his mix" Wayne answered. 

"I know a mu'fucker who's about to get knocked out for gettin' in my mix" the second guy said. 

"Shit ain't like that" Bruzinski said, "don't be trippin' fool" he added. 

"Shit" both men said and laughed. 

"ID" said the super large bouncer, diverting their attention away from Wayne.  The two men showed their ID and entered the club.


"ID" the large man said to Wayne, "Dah fuq" he said when he looked at the smaller white guy.  "You really wanna come up in here" he asked. 

"Do I look like a bitch" Bruzinski asked the man. 

"Kinda" the bouncer replied. 

Wayne shoved his ID at the man and said "Just stamp me and quit acting like a ho". 

Dumbfounded the man just looked at Bruzinski.  "I ain't gonna be responsible if you get fucked up" he said as he stamped Wayne's hand. 

"I got this playah, I go to shit like this all the time" he lied to the man. 

The bouncer handed Bruzinski's ID back and motioned for him to head inside.  "Word" Wayne said and walked through the door.


The interior of the club was dark and somewhat humid from the sheer amount of people that were inside.  People were dancing to hip hop music that was being played by a DJ.  Bruzinski made a full circuit of the club noting all the exits, bathrooms, and other points of interest.  There was a large bar towards the front middle of the room that could be accessed from all sides, 2 restrooms on the left hand wall, a raised up stage on the back wall, and tables off to the right hand side, as well as a VIP area that was roped off.  Most noticeable were the red pipes that ran along the ceiling from one side of the bar to the other.  In said VIP area Wayne saw Big Sleezy and his posse sitting around drinking straight out of some expensive champagne bottles.  Bruzinski approached the VIP area and was stopped before he could pass the threshold. 


"You ain't got no band cuz" the VIP rope attendee said. 

Wayne looked perplexed. 

"A VIP bracelet, you need one to sit in here" she explained. 

"I'm straight" he said to her "I just wanted to give some big ups to Big Slizzeezy". 

"Well he's gettin' his drank on right now, you can see him at the merch table after the show" she said, motioning towards a 5 foot long table that was showcasing all of Washington's swag. 

"Aight den, bet" Bruzinski said to the woman.  He looked over at Big Sleezy and managed to make eye contact with him.  Sleezy cocked his head back as if to say "what up".  Wayne pointed at himself and then at Sleezy effectively asking "can I chill with you"? 

"Let dude up in here" he said to the attendee.  So without hesitation she unclasped the rope and ushered Wayne into the VIP area.

Bruzinski made his way through the throng of people to where Washington was sitting. 

"Wayne Bruzinski, pleased to meet you" he said. 

"Big Sleezy, but Sleezy or Sleez is fine" he answered and offered a fist bump to Wayne.

 Bruzinski pounded Sleezy's fist with his own and said "So what's up on the set"? 

"Not much just chillin' and getting ready to kill this place, you wanna drink" he asked. 

"Naw man I'm good" Wayne replied. 

"So its like that?" Sleezy asked. 

"Naw doot, I drove tonight and I can't be havin' the poe poe all up in my shit", answered Bruzinski.

"I her'dat" Sleezy said.

"You'll have to excuse me, I gotta piss" Wayne said and departed the VIP area.

Of course Wayne had lied.  He wanted to get more of a feel for the club.  He walked around, stopping at the bar for a cranberry juice as he did. 

"Do you want vokka in that" the bartender asked.

"Did I say vodka motherfucker" he shot back.

"Oh, so you're about that life now" the man asked, shooting Wayne a look that promised an ass beating.

"Nah I'm just playing with ya" Bruzinski said.

Wayne grabbed his drink and stalked off.  He was about to take a sip when he noticed a fresh lugie floating in it.  He walked back over to the side of the bar where he saw the bartender drinking from a cup earlier and dumped the cranberry snot drink into the bartenders glass.  "Fucking dickhole" he said as he walked away.

Bruzinski slowly made his way around the club, stopping at the restroom to splash some water on his face because it was getting hot in the room.  From outside the restroom came a man's voice over the PA. 

"He's the motherfucking master of dizzizzaster, the straight gizzanksta mizzack, no otha brutha could top dis muhfukka, Big Motherfuckin' Slee-Motherfuckin'-Eye-Motherfuckin'-Izz-Motherfuckin'-Eee-Motherfuckin'-Zee!"

The crowed erupted and the bass dropped like a bomb on the place.  Bruzinski was unsure of what to do.  He was about to go back out into the room when he notice red pipes along the ceiling in the bathroom.  "Awww snap" Wayne said and followed them with his eyes.  The pipes went over to a stall and then disappeared through the wall.  Bruzinski walked into the stall. It appeared that the hole in the wall was big enough to allow the pipes through and from where he was standing it also looked like a person may be able to fit through there too.  "Yup" he said and started to undress.  The Manbat pulled the trash bag out of the can and put his clothes in it and then stuffed them in the back of the toilet.  Planting his foot on the back of the toilet, the Dark Vigilante pulled himself up the wall and onto the pipes, which were good and sturdy.  As soon as he got up there he could see that these were connected to the pipes that went over the stage.  Bruzinski started making his way to the stage. 

The vibration from the bass on the pipe was giving the Manbat a raging erection.  He tried to keep his mind on the situation at hand though.  Arm over arm he crawled over the pipes, inching ever closer to his prey.  "I'm gonna pown this motherfucker" he kept saying to himself to keep his nerves settled.

2 songs later Bruzinski found himself directly over top of Big Sleezy.  In his mind he could see himself executing a move where he swung himself backwards by hooking the pipes behind his knees, nailing a perfect half flip and landing with both feet slamming into Washington.

In reality, the Manbat slipped off the pipes and screamed "AHHH FAHK" on the way down.  His shoulder rammed down on Big Sleezy's head, breaking his neck instantly.  With the needle literally ripped off the record, Bruzinski was lay there on top of the dead rapper.  He stood up and brushed himself off.  The place was in utter silence and all eyes were on Wayne.  Mulling his options over in his head he decided to strike a heroic pose, planting his foot triumphantly onto Washington's corpse.  Big Sleezy still held the mic in his hand as he lay there, arm twitching with it's final movements.  Before he even realized it, Bruzinski had picked up the mic.

He yelled into the mic "WHAT'S UP NOW"?   Glancing at the DJ he suddenly had an idea.  "Kick me a funky ass beat DJ" he demanded.  The DJ just stood there looking at him in disbelief.  Wayne stood there in anticipation of the beat kicking in, just knowing in his heart that he was going to rock the mic like a fucking star.  The beat did not kick in.  Wayne eyed the crowd and then turned back to the DJ and screamed "I SAID KICK A FUCKING BEAT ASSHOLE"!  The DJ dropped the needle on the record and walked away.

Wayne had been going over his sweet lyrics in his head and he knew that he was about to deliver some real spit to the audience.  He took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd.  The people seemed to go on forever.  The Manbat's palms got sweaty and his mouth dried out.  He couldn't remember the lyrics anymore, but he knew he had to do something.  So he sang anyway.

"I am the Manbat!
I'll take your head and slam that!
If you pull a piece, I break your wrist and take your gat!
I be the villain trap!
Gettin' all the pussy with this hero crap!"

Before he could finish the song, the local authorities burst into the club and shot Wayne down where he stood.  The newspaper headlines the following day read "Sexual Deviant Kills Local Rap Star".  The article went on to speculate that Bruzinski was part of a hate group and killed Big Sleezy in an effort to advance "white power".