Wayne Bruzinski was sitting at work reading the paper on a Thursday morning. The headline read "Local Rapstar Big Sleezy Suspected of Rape". He read the article in its entirety, then in disbelief said aloud, "Damn you Big Sleezy, looks like we need to have a chat".
Part of the article read like this; "Rapper, LeMonjello Washington, aka "Big Sleezy" has been making a name for himself trying to bring about a resurgence of the 90s "gangsta rap" genre. Getting his name in the news frequently was all part of Washington's plan to lend a sense of legitimacy to his claim to be a "real G". He was recently in a bar brawl in a Columbus area club that was started when he punched out a bouncer for "getting all up on him". 14 people, including Washington, were arrested."
"This mu'fucker needs to reccanize" Wayne said with his best impersonation of a gangsta rapper. "I'm 'boutsta get all real on his punk ass".
Bruzinski worked the rest of his shift and then went home. "Better wait for the weekend so I can post up at the Mancave for this one". He unwound Manbat style and went to bed.
The next day as Wayne was shaving he made up a rap song about how badass he was and how he was going to take down Washington.
"The Manbat is a motherfucking pimp,
straight packin' up bad guys like bubba gump shrimp,
gonna thwart crime when it shows its ugly mug,
show you it ain't worth bein' a thug,
usin' all the tools in his basket,
The Manbat will fast track yo' ass to the casket"
Wayne threw up his hand in the shape of a W, crossed his arms and cocked his head back. "With a fresh beat that shit would be the dope nuggets" he declared.
Bruzinski got dressed and went to work. The day dragged on because he was anticipating the forthcoming weekend. Finally, the day was over and Wayne headed for the Mancave.
Once Bruzinski got to his destination, he started combing the internet for any indication of the whereabouts of Washington. It wasn't long before he found that "Big Sleezy" was performing at a club in Columbus. "Guess I'm gonna do dinner and a show" he said to himself.
Wayne took a shower and got dressed. He put most of his suit on under his clothes and pocketed his mask. He grabbed the keys to the Manbatmobile from his bat logo mug and headed out. An hour later he arrived at the club.
Bruzinski had been standing in line for about 20 minutes and was starting to get antsy. He reminded himself that he needed to blend in and communicate with these people in their own dialect. There were two guys in line directly in front of him talking about how awesome Big Sleezy was. Wayne chimed in on the conversation.
"Dat mofo is fresh 2 def fo' rizzle" he said.
The two guys eyed him curiously.
"Whachoo know 'bout Big Sleezy" one of them asked.
"I know he knocked a mu'fucker out for gettin' in his mix" Wayne answered.
"I know a mu'fucker who's about to get knocked out for gettin' in my mix" the second guy said.
"Shit ain't like that" Bruzinski said, "don't be trippin' fool" he added.
"Shit" both men said and laughed.
"ID" said the super large bouncer, diverting their attention away from Wayne. The two men showed their ID and entered the club.
"ID" the large man said to Wayne, "Dah fuq" he said when he looked at the smaller white guy. "You really wanna come up in here" he asked.
"Do I look like a bitch" Bruzinski asked the man.
"Kinda" the bouncer replied.
Wayne shoved his ID at the man and said "Just stamp me and quit acting like a ho".
Dumbfounded the man just looked at Bruzinski. "I ain't gonna be responsible if you get fucked up" he said as he stamped Wayne's hand.
"I got this playah, I go to shit like this all the time" he lied to the man.
The bouncer handed Bruzinski's ID back and motioned for him to head inside. "Word" Wayne said and walked through the door.
The interior of the club was dark and somewhat humid from the sheer amount of people that were inside. People were dancing to hip hop music that was being played by a DJ. Bruzinski made a full circuit of the club noting all the exits, bathrooms, and other points of interest. There was a large bar towards the front middle of the room that could be accessed from all sides, 2 restrooms on the left hand wall, a raised up stage on the back wall, and tables off to the right hand side, as well as a VIP area that was roped off. Most noticeable were the red pipes that ran along the ceiling from one side of the bar to the other. In said VIP area Wayne saw Big Sleezy and his posse sitting around drinking straight out of some expensive champagne bottles. Bruzinski approached the VIP area and was stopped before he could pass the threshold.
"You ain't got no band cuz" the VIP rope attendee said.
Wayne looked perplexed.
"A VIP bracelet, you need one to sit in here" she explained.
"I'm straight" he said to her "I just wanted to give some big ups to Big Slizzeezy".
"Well he's gettin' his drank on right now, you can see him at the merch table after the show" she said, motioning towards a 5 foot long table that was showcasing all of Washington's swag.
"Aight den, bet" Bruzinski said to the woman. He looked over at Big Sleezy and managed to make eye contact with him. Sleezy cocked his head back as if to say "what up". Wayne pointed at himself and then at Sleezy effectively asking "can I chill with you"?
"Let dude up in here" he said to the attendee. So without hesitation she unclasped the rope and ushered Wayne into the VIP area.
Bruzinski made his way through the throng of people to where Washington was sitting.
"Wayne Bruzinski, pleased to meet you" he said.
"Big Sleezy, but Sleezy or Sleez is fine" he answered and offered a fist bump to Wayne.
Bruzinski pounded Sleezy's fist with his own and said "So what's up on the set"?
"Not much just chillin' and getting ready to kill this place, you wanna drink" he asked.
"Naw man I'm good" Wayne replied.
"So its like that?" Sleezy asked.
"Naw doot, I drove tonight and I can't be havin' the poe poe all up in my shit", answered Bruzinski.
"I her'dat" Sleezy said.
"You'll have to excuse me, I gotta piss" Wayne said and departed the VIP area.
Of course Wayne had lied. He wanted to get more of a feel for the club. He walked around, stopping at the bar for a cranberry juice as he did.
"Do you want vokka in that" the bartender asked.
"Did I say vodka motherfucker" he shot back.
"Oh, so you're about that life now" the man asked, shooting Wayne a look that promised an ass beating.
"Nah I'm just playing with ya" Bruzinski said.
Wayne grabbed his drink and stalked off. He was about to take a sip when he noticed a fresh lugie floating in it. He walked back over to the side of the bar where he saw the bartender drinking from a cup earlier and dumped the cranberry snot drink into the bartenders glass. "Fucking dickhole" he said as he walked away.
Bruzinski slowly made his way around the club, stopping at the restroom to splash some water on his face because it was getting hot in the room. From outside the restroom came a man's voice over the PA.
"He's the motherfucking master of dizzizzaster, the straight gizzanksta mizzack, no otha brutha could top dis muhfukka, Big Motherfuckin' Slee-Motherfuckin'-Eye-Motherfuckin'-Izz-Motherfuckin'-Eee-Motherfuckin'-Zee!"
The crowed erupted and the bass dropped like a bomb on the place. Bruzinski was unsure of what to do. He was about to go back out into the room when he notice red pipes along the ceiling in the bathroom. "Awww snap" Wayne said and followed them with his eyes. The pipes went over to a stall and then disappeared through the wall. Bruzinski walked into the stall. It appeared that the hole in the wall was big enough to allow the pipes through and from where he was standing it also looked like a person may be able to fit through there too. "Yup" he said and started to undress. The Manbat pulled the trash bag out of the can and put his clothes in it and then stuffed them in the back of the toilet. Planting his foot on the back of the toilet, the Dark Vigilante pulled himself up the wall and onto the pipes, which were good and sturdy. As soon as he got up there he could see that these were connected to the pipes that went over the stage. Bruzinski started making his way to the stage.
The vibration from the bass on the pipe was giving the Manbat a raging erection. He tried to keep his mind on the situation at hand though. Arm over arm he crawled over the pipes, inching ever closer to his prey. "I'm gonna pown this motherfucker" he kept saying to himself to keep his nerves settled.
2 songs later Bruzinski found himself directly over top of Big Sleezy. In his mind he could see himself executing a move where he swung himself backwards by hooking the pipes behind his knees, nailing a perfect half flip and landing with both feet slamming into Washington.
In reality, the Manbat slipped off the pipes and screamed "AHHH FAHK" on the way down. His shoulder rammed down on Big Sleezy's head, breaking his neck instantly. With the needle literally ripped off the record, Bruzinski was lay there on top of the dead rapper. He stood up and brushed himself off. The place was in utter silence and all eyes were on Wayne. Mulling his options over in his head he decided to strike a heroic pose, planting his foot triumphantly onto Washington's corpse. Big Sleezy still held the mic in his hand as he lay there, arm twitching with it's final movements. Before he even realized it, Bruzinski had picked up the mic.
He yelled into the mic "WHAT'S UP NOW"? Glancing at the DJ he suddenly had an idea. "Kick me a funky ass beat DJ" he demanded. The DJ just stood there looking at him in disbelief. Wayne stood there in anticipation of the beat kicking in, just knowing in his heart that he was going to rock the mic like a fucking star. The beat did not kick in. Wayne eyed the crowd and then turned back to the DJ and screamed "I SAID KICK A FUCKING BEAT ASSHOLE"! The DJ dropped the needle on the record and walked away.
Wayne had been going over his sweet lyrics in his head and he knew that he was about to deliver some real spit to the audience. He took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd. The people seemed to go on forever. The Manbat's palms got sweaty and his mouth dried out. He couldn't remember the lyrics anymore, but he knew he had to do something. So he sang anyway.
"I am the Manbat!
I'll take your head and slam that!
If you pull a piece, I break your wrist and take your gat!
I be the villain trap!
Gettin' all the pussy with this hero crap!"
Before he could finish the song, the local authorities burst into the club and shot Wayne down where he stood. The newspaper headlines the following day read "Sexual Deviant Kills Local Rap Star". The article went on to speculate that Bruzinski was part of a hate group and killed Big Sleezy in an effort to advance "white power".
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