Wayne sat eating a bowl of cereal in front of the computer. He had just finished his morning work out after getting up at 3 p.m. He sat down and checked his e-mail, searching through his newest updates on yew-toob. He found a video of a man with a Russian accent talking about several forms of self defense that used weapons or "gadgets" compared to hand to hand. The man showed how to use your keys while punching and how dangerous a mop becomes when you fasten a knife to the end and make a spear. The last thing that caught Wayne's eye was a small incendiary device that you can use to distort attackers and cause minimal to fatal damage. "These are highly illegal," The man said. "You can't buy them in this country."
"Bullshit!" Wayne yelled as froot-loops shot from his mouth. He choked on the cereal when he yelled and his face turned a little red as he coughed up the cereal. "I'll follow my foot to your fucking neck." Wayne sputtered, flipping the bird to the box of cereal that lay next to his laptop. "You god damned little pelican bastard!"
Wayne wouldn't let something as simple as a legal matter stop him. Oh no, he would simply figure it out himself, it would be a blast! He toyed with a few ideas, eventually making what amounted to a match stick bomb with a clever "Pull-pin" design. The Manbat never reveals his secrets, so to quote Nick Frost, JOG ON! The Manbat was ready to test his invention. He walked to the window of his apartment and opened it. He lifted the incendiary in his hands and yanked the pull-pin. He threw the device immediately out the window and watched as it flew out to the street and landed in the open window of his Ford Focus Wagon. His LTD was dead at his training camp, causing him to use the Ford more and more in his Manbat endeavors. He remembered that day well, he had heard you could burn grease from fast food places as a form of fuel in your car. He, however, did not know your engine had to be modified. So when Wayne dumped the juice of a thousand frying cows in the gas tank he found to his dismay, it just fucked up his car. Any way, the incendiary burnt his car to a crisp and Wayne had to run out and hit it with the hose before it got bad. The steering wheel had melted into a ball of slag.
"Nothing stops the Manbat!" Wayne's mouth ejaculated as he dragged an old ten speed up the basement steps of his apartment complex. He strapped his gym bag carrying his new toys and Manbat suit over his shoulder and set out. It would be too far for Wayne to ride to his training ground so he opted to use the woods behind the local church. It was closed off and most people never went there since the park got remodeled. Plus it had a stream and he figured a natural, unending source of water would be a good idea. Wayne fancied the notion of making this place his temporary ground while he fixed his cars. He found a nice clearing by the creek and took out his Manbat costume from his gym bag. Wayne had about two dozen incendiaries left and he was determined to perfect his aim and proficiency with the bombs. He changed into the suit and got ready to test a few over the water. He let a couple land in the water before igniting, resulting in nothing. He threw two more and got a feel for the cook time.
"I needs me some targets." The Manbat mused as he looked around. Wayne had come prepared. He had also stashed in his bag some rope, a knife and three cheap foam dart boards he had stuck pictures of popular comic villains on. He spent about an hour strapping the targets to trees. He made a small obstacle course he could run through while taking aim at targets. He imagined himself running through a riot somewhere. Handing out upper cuts and using the incendiaries to stop crowds in their tracks. The Manbat was done dreaming, it was time for action. Wayne popped the remaining incendiaries into his belt. Yeah, he made his belt all cool like that. Everything the Manbat had needed to be all sweet and he had made loops on his belt from Velcro. One device was hard to slip in because none of the loops were uniform. Wayne jammed that sucker in there though.
"Alright, everyone comfy?" Wayne said as he adjusted his cape.
"I am the Manbat!" Wayne shouted as he ran toward his first obstacle. He had to jump a log and he whiffed it, falling on his face. This went on for a while, Wayne running through again and again, sometimes throwing the bombs and never coming close to the targets. At least he didn't burn the woods down.
Wayne took stock of his new gadgets while he took a break and chugged down a soda. He had three left.
"Damn." He cursed. "I'll just change up the game." He smiled at the thought.
Wayne moved his targets farther apart (but more importantly away from the water) so he could just run from tree to tree and stop before throwing his last bombs. He readied himself and ran to his targets. The first he missed and the second he hit but not after fumbling with his belt. 'Should have fixed that loop.' He thought as he ran to his last target. Wayne stopped and reached under his cape and yanked the incendiary hard, pulling it free. When the Manbat brought his hand up he was only holding the pull-pin and he looked around on the ground for the bomb. Suddenly he felt intense heat on his back. His pants caught fire and so did his cape. He quickly ripped the cape from his shoulders and reached down to yank the pants and drawers off his roasting ass. Wayne found his arms also cuaght fire and he waved them around as he ran off toward the church.
He exited the woods as the flames crawled from his fore arms to his shoulders. Wayne sprinted across the small yard to the church, doing his best Bay Watch beach run with his manhood flopping everywhere. He burst through the double door with one goal in mind. The baptism fountain. Unfortunately for Wayne, the church was in the middle of a baptism and he splashed into the pool literally in front of God and everyone. He splashed around screaming "Oh fuck!" and "God damn it!" Wayne stood up spitting water and shaking with pain. He looked at all the people around him. Tonight a woman in her sixties was being baptized and she invited all her bridge club friends.
Wayne tried to hide his manbat-hood and stepped out of the pool. He slipped and hit his head, knocking him out cold. The people could only stare in shock at this man who just ran in with his arms ablaze. The police showed up with the paramedics and Wayne was charged with reckless endangerment as well as arson and public nudity. The worst part by far is when the doctors had to graph skin from his Manbat ass on his fore arms due to third degree burns. His friend Jason called him "stink arms" for the rest of his life. Wayne Bruzinski was sentenced to six months in jail after leaving the hospital.
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