The Manbat dug the vinyl wedgy from his ass for the hundredth time as he waited in the bushes at the park. He had heard about a new "game " teens play called "Knock Out" where a group of kids pick a person more or less at random and dare a friend to punch the person to knock them out. Wayne was appalled by this news and just knew the Manbat had a mission to undertake. After a couple hours sweating like Richard Simmons in the bushes, Wayne pulled his track pants and hoodie on over his suit and put his mask away. He walked across the street to a local corner store and went inside to find something to eat.
Wayne Bruzinski leafed through a video game magazine while he waited for his burrito to finish it's radiation bath in the store microwave. "DX12 my ass. Like someone can tell the difference between that and dx10 or 11." He murmured as the microwave beeped the conclusion of it's cycle. He reached down for the door and pulled the burrito out, stringing a cheese rope from turn table to his hand. "Dem shits be hot." Wayne said as the cheese broke and bungeed to his palm. He wiped it on his sweatshirt and stuffed the food in his mouth.
"What's hot is dx12 and how badass that will be for the system." The clerk behind the counter said.
Wayne looked up at the guy "What the fuck!" He spat burrito bits everywhere. "You can't tell shit difference, they're just drumming up some hype because they're failing hard." He stuffed another bite in his mouth.
"Bullshit look at the difference." The clerk whipped out his tablet device and after a few seconds he pulled up a comparison of dx10 and dx11. "Cleary you can't see a difference in the two." The clerk sarcastically quipped as he held the tablet up.
Wayne grabbed the tablet with cheesey bean fingers and looked at the images. He laughed flinging more gut bomb out of his mouth. "That's just a little magnification and better resolution."
"What ever, look at it!" The clerk insisted. "It has better textures, lighting, particle effects and color."
"God damn it. I'm sick of everyone being all gay for the H Box Fun. It's a rip off and Phony's system is better and always has been!" Wayne visibly shook as he yelled and food was pouring from his mouth. "What's Left of Us was a great game with the best graphics by far and that was last gen. This next one doesn't need dx12 it has open GL and it's fine.
"Oh yeah, I forgot, What's Left of Us is better than Cleared for War and The Unchanted series has better graphics than Oval." The clerk laughed. "You fucking fan boys don't know shit. Enjoy Wad Nation Facials and Little Dick Planet on your Gaystation!"
"Unchanted is better than Oval and you're a fucking Nazi!" Wayne slammed the rest of his burrito on the floor and threw a five dollar bill at the clerk. "Have fun with your piece of trash H Box, have fun with your Oval series that's played out." Wayne stomped out the door and the cashier followed him.
He popped his head out on Wayne and yelled, "The only Oval that's played out is the brown one between your mom's butt cheeks!"
Wayne stalked off when he couldn't think of a come back and it didn't matter because the clerk went back inside any way. "Man fuck that guy, what a dick." Wayne held his hands up mimicking a handicapped person. "I play with Master Butt Cheek's brown oval." He muttered. Suddenly Wayne heard footsteps approaching quickly followed by a voice shouting "Knock out!" then his world went dark. Wayne fell as the youth knocked the living shit out of him and hit his head on the curb. He was rushed to the hospital and was admitted to intensive care for massive head trauma. The blow was so fierce it caused severe brain damage. The Manbat strikes again.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Don't Call It a Comeback: The Manbat Returns!
Wayne has his trusty laptop at work with him on a Tuesday evening. Since it was the slowest day of the week at the Gas Up, he was watching some videos on yootoob to kill time with. A particular video had caught his attention.
It was a video that a guy had made with a Be Pro camera. The guy was wearing the camera on a helmet and doing some parkour to showcase his extreme thrill seekers group.
"A fucking commercial, I need a fucking commercial to show people how awesome I am" Wayne said out loud.
Wayne paused the video and popped open another browser window. He directed the browser to a popular search site and typed in "buy be pro camera" and then clicked on the first result. The camera was $99 so Wayne bought it right there on the spot.
3 days later the camera showed up on his doorstep. Bruzinski already decided that he was going to use "Eye of the Tiger" for the song in his video. He spent some time getting used to how the camera worked and devising a plan to mount it for his awesome video.
He wrote a script for his video that looked like this;
---------------------------
The Manbat Ossum Interwebz Pwnage
Show training: Spinkicks, punching bag, knife range, wall running, roof jumping, etc.
Flyby of training camp.
Pushups, sit-ups, pull-ups, etc.
Be awesome and kick ass!
-------------------------------
The first thing Wayne wanted to do was the training camp flyby. He climbed a tree and fastened a wire to a high branch. With wire in hand he dismounted the tree and tied the other end to the bumper of his car. He had fashioned a dolly mount for the camera out of a two by four, some eyelet screws, and wrapped a towel around the outside edge to absorb the shock when it hit the bumper. Once again Bruzinski scaled the tree and secured camera to the mount and the mount to the wire. Wayne pressed "record" and let go of the mount, screaming "ACTION" as he did.
The camera sped down the wire and stopped when it somewhat roughly but safely impacted the car bumper.
"CUT" he yelled as he jumped from the tree, scraping his ass all the way down the trunk. Bruzinski turned around and kicked the tree. "You asshole" he spat. Wayne retrieved the camera and watched the flyby footage like 30 times. "Sweet fucking titties" he exclaimed!
For the rest of the afternoon Wayne both filmed himself doing activities like push-ups from a 3rd person perspective and also while wearing the camera mounted.
"This is so fucking sweet" he said as he lay in his hammock reviewing the days video cuts. Wayne was unsure how he was going to edit all of this together though, so he consulted the manual. It was there that he found what he was looking for. All he had to do was put the videos in the order he wanted then choose the option to "bookend all" and it would splice his videos together. There was also a "bookend all with custom audio" option, and "bookend all with custom audio and upload". He configured the device to do just that, but he wouldn't be able to finish it until morning. With delusions of grandeur, Bruzinski retired to bed.
The next morning Wayne popped out of the hammock and grabbed his Be Pro. "All I gotta do is the roof part and its a wrap" he touted. He put on his suit and head mount and headed up to the roof.
The Manbat hit record and broke into a run. He jumped the square gap in the roof like a champ. As soon as he landed he took the camera off and watched the footage. It was fucking amazing. "More" he said to himself.
He filmed himself scaling the wall, balance walking the truss, and even going hand over hand, hanging from the truss. "This is so fucking baller" he screamed from the roof.
Inspired by his badassness, Wayne decided to do a flip twist jump rappel down the side of the building. He pumped himself up for the maneuver by slapping his own face repeatedly and hopping from foot to foot. It was time.
The Manbat carefully measured out how much rope he would need to land smoothly against the wall after the backflip. After triple checking for accuracy, he strode 4 paces from the edge of the roof and without thinking too much ran towards the ledge. By some miracle of gods unknown, Bruzinski executed a perfect spin twist. He had however slightly misjudged the length of rope he would need and end up jumping way too far out. When the rope tightened, Bruzinski swung to the wall hard. He stuck his legs out in front of him to absorb the blow but he was off center. His left leg hit and spun him around so his back took the weight of the impact, blasting the air out of him. Immediately, he lost his grip on the rope and fell 30 feet onto a picnic table, head first.
Bruzinski was dying on the table. When he landed it broke the camera mount in such a way that it was pointing directly as his broken head and face. With the last of his strength he pulled the camera off and hit the power button. With that, the life left his body.
"The Manbat Ossum Interwebz Pwnage" went viral on yootoob. Bruzinski didn't realize that if you pressed the power button while the device was still recording, it automatically executed the command the user set it up for, in this case "bookend all with custom audio and upload". The video had 4 million hits before it was taken down due to a copyright claim on "Eye of the Tiger". The police had to get a federal warrant to get yootoob to release the video to them as evidence in the death of Bruzinski.
It was a video that a guy had made with a Be Pro camera. The guy was wearing the camera on a helmet and doing some parkour to showcase his extreme thrill seekers group.
"A fucking commercial, I need a fucking commercial to show people how awesome I am" Wayne said out loud.
Wayne paused the video and popped open another browser window. He directed the browser to a popular search site and typed in "buy be pro camera" and then clicked on the first result. The camera was $99 so Wayne bought it right there on the spot.
3 days later the camera showed up on his doorstep. Bruzinski already decided that he was going to use "Eye of the Tiger" for the song in his video. He spent some time getting used to how the camera worked and devising a plan to mount it for his awesome video.
He wrote a script for his video that looked like this;
---------------------------
The Manbat Ossum Interwebz Pwnage
Show training: Spinkicks, punching bag, knife range, wall running, roof jumping, etc.
Flyby of training camp.
Pushups, sit-ups, pull-ups, etc.
Be awesome and kick ass!
-------------------------------
The first thing Wayne wanted to do was the training camp flyby. He climbed a tree and fastened a wire to a high branch. With wire in hand he dismounted the tree and tied the other end to the bumper of his car. He had fashioned a dolly mount for the camera out of a two by four, some eyelet screws, and wrapped a towel around the outside edge to absorb the shock when it hit the bumper. Once again Bruzinski scaled the tree and secured camera to the mount and the mount to the wire. Wayne pressed "record" and let go of the mount, screaming "ACTION" as he did.
The camera sped down the wire and stopped when it somewhat roughly but safely impacted the car bumper.
"CUT" he yelled as he jumped from the tree, scraping his ass all the way down the trunk. Bruzinski turned around and kicked the tree. "You asshole" he spat. Wayne retrieved the camera and watched the flyby footage like 30 times. "Sweet fucking titties" he exclaimed!
For the rest of the afternoon Wayne both filmed himself doing activities like push-ups from a 3rd person perspective and also while wearing the camera mounted.
"This is so fucking sweet" he said as he lay in his hammock reviewing the days video cuts. Wayne was unsure how he was going to edit all of this together though, so he consulted the manual. It was there that he found what he was looking for. All he had to do was put the videos in the order he wanted then choose the option to "bookend all" and it would splice his videos together. There was also a "bookend all with custom audio" option, and "bookend all with custom audio and upload". He configured the device to do just that, but he wouldn't be able to finish it until morning. With delusions of grandeur, Bruzinski retired to bed.
The next morning Wayne popped out of the hammock and grabbed his Be Pro. "All I gotta do is the roof part and its a wrap" he touted. He put on his suit and head mount and headed up to the roof.
The Manbat hit record and broke into a run. He jumped the square gap in the roof like a champ. As soon as he landed he took the camera off and watched the footage. It was fucking amazing. "More" he said to himself.
He filmed himself scaling the wall, balance walking the truss, and even going hand over hand, hanging from the truss. "This is so fucking baller" he screamed from the roof.
Inspired by his badassness, Wayne decided to do a flip twist jump rappel down the side of the building. He pumped himself up for the maneuver by slapping his own face repeatedly and hopping from foot to foot. It was time.
The Manbat carefully measured out how much rope he would need to land smoothly against the wall after the backflip. After triple checking for accuracy, he strode 4 paces from the edge of the roof and without thinking too much ran towards the ledge. By some miracle of gods unknown, Bruzinski executed a perfect spin twist. He had however slightly misjudged the length of rope he would need and end up jumping way too far out. When the rope tightened, Bruzinski swung to the wall hard. He stuck his legs out in front of him to absorb the blow but he was off center. His left leg hit and spun him around so his back took the weight of the impact, blasting the air out of him. Immediately, he lost his grip on the rope and fell 30 feet onto a picnic table, head first.
Bruzinski was dying on the table. When he landed it broke the camera mount in such a way that it was pointing directly as his broken head and face. With the last of his strength he pulled the camera off and hit the power button. With that, the life left his body.
"The Manbat Ossum Interwebz Pwnage" went viral on yootoob. Bruzinski didn't realize that if you pressed the power button while the device was still recording, it automatically executed the command the user set it up for, in this case "bookend all with custom audio and upload". The video had 4 million hits before it was taken down due to a copyright claim on "Eye of the Tiger". The police had to get a federal warrant to get yootoob to release the video to them as evidence in the death of Bruzinski.
Monday, July 29, 2013
The Manbat For Hire
It was a typical Tuesday afternoon and Wayne was trying to think of a way to get the crime to come to him so to speak. "I need a motherfucking calling card" he thought to himself. So he decided to go to the local Wally World once he got off of work because he had a great plan brewing in his mind.
Once he got to the warehouse sized store he headed straight back to the electronics. Right at the cellphone kiosk he found what he was looking for, a trackphone! He was going to buy the phone with cash and no one would be able to find out who it belonged to. Wayne found a suitable phone and paid the cashier. "Now to market my pimp ass" he said under his breath as he left the store.
When he got home he fired up the computer and his trusty free art program. Wayne's plan was to make a flier with his anonymous trackphone number on it so people could call when they needed help. Since he didn't have to register the phone, no one would be able to find out who he was! It was perfect!
He began by putting his Manbat logo on the top of the flier. Then he typed in the information, it went something like this.
"I am the bat that rules the night. I am the bat that fights for what's right. There is a new superhero in town and if you need him, he will come. I dispatch evil and fight crime! I am the Manbat!"
He then put the logo again at the bottom to make is look sweet. Wayne then typed the number to his trackphone vertically on the bottom a bunch of times in a way that would make tear off tabs when he cut them with scissors. This was going to put him in the big leagues.
With stacks of fliers in hand, Wayne went out and started hanging them anywhere he could think of. Grocery stores, restaurants, gas stations (even the Gas Up), and other public places.
Before he had even finished hanging them up his trackphone was already ringing. "This is the Manbat" he answered in his gruff "Manbat voice". "Do you do birthday parties?" the woman's voice on the other end asked. "What the fuck gave you that idea?" Bruzinski shouted into the phone. The woman hung up on him. "Asshole" Wayne said into the phone even though he knew no one could hear him.
On the way home the phone rang again. It was a man this time, asking if Wayne could make an appearance at his kid's birthday party. "I'll pay you a hundred bucks" the man said just as Bruzinski was about to hang up on him. "Make it one fifty and you got a deal" he said to the man. "That's a little steep don't you think?" the man asked. "Look I don't usually do parties, but I will for one fifty" Wayne said. "Alright fine, the address is 55 Lakeview St" the man said resignedly, "be there Friday at 1pm" he concluded. "I'll be there" Wayne said and then hung up the phone.
Plans started to swirl around in his head.
It was 11am on Friday and Wayne was inhaling a burrito bowl at the local "Big Breezies" burrito shop. "Gettin' me a fat hizzy hundo" he sang, bits of burrito flying from his mouth with each syllable, "and a fitty figh figh". Bruzinski started to choke on his food. He began flailing his arms in the air as his vision started to darken. He tried to call out for help but he found he couldn't breathe or talk. He stood up and started pummeling himself in the stomach, hoping to dislodge the food from his esophagus.
Giving up on that idea, he started blindly walking around. With his arms out he began to feel around as he walked. Just then he walked into a counter. Feeling his way around, Bruzinski realized he had stumbled to the soda fountain. He put his head directly underneath the nozzle and started to drink the soda, but it wouldn't wash the food down. Wayne doubled over and all the soda ran from his nose and mouth. He collapsed to the floor holding his throat. He started to feel like he could maybe swallow the food and clear his airway, so he just tried to swallow over and over again. He could feel the food moving a little bit every time he did it. A crowd started to form around him and he struggled to swallow the food and not choke to death on it. Wayne grabbed at his throat and started to squeeze it while swallowing.
Suddenly, he swallowed the blockage and his vision returned. Bruzinski stood up and looked all around. There were people surrounding him. "Why the FUUUARRRRRRRGH....". Wayne didn't get the whole sentence out before he puked all over the 3 people in front of him. Everyone recoiled in horror. 2 of the 3 people he vomited on starting puking too. A guy that was oblivious to the whole thing came walking by and slipped in the puke, feet flying out from under him and his food and drink landing on him as he lay in the puddle of vomit. "God damn it" he started to say before Wayne cut him off. "I'M FUCKING TALKING HERE!" Bruzinski screamed at the man.
Bruzinski composed himself. "Anyway, why didn't any of you ASSHOLES help me I was FUCKING CHOKING TO DEATH?" he demanded. Everyone just looked away and started back to their seats. "FUCK YOU PEOPLE I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE ON THE WAY HOME" he shouted at them. The man laying in the puke put his hand up in the hopes the Wayne would help him up. "EAT SHIT" Bruzinski said to him as he returned to the table to finish his burrito.
"Motherfucker" he said when he realized there was only about 1/3 of the bowl left. A 30ish year old woman spoke up "Sir can you please watch your language, I'm here with my children" she said. "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK" he retorted and threw the remainder of his burrito bowl at her and her children. "You sir should be ashamed of yourself, it's his birthday today" the woman said as she motioned to one of her children. "Whoopee shit" he said and walked away.
Bruzinski went up to the counter and ordered another bowl. The workers told him they would only sell him one if he agreed to take it to go. With resignation, he agreed to the compromise. "See you later you punk bitches" he said to everyone, flourishing a middle finger all around as he walked out the door with his food.
Wayne scarfed the burrito bowl down in his car. Afterward he went back home to get his suit on for the party. Right after he got his costume on he started farting a lot. "Beans beans the magical fruit" he started to sing as he headed for the car.
Bruzinski pulled up at the address the man provided for him at about 1:05pm. The man was standing at the door when Wayne, already wearing his mask and everything, walked up. "You're late" the man said with a frown. "Well today hasn't quite gone as planned" Bruzinski offered. "Well, lets just get out back where the kids are" the man said. "Payment first" the Manbat demanded. "Very well, by the way my name is Frank, my wife is in the while dress out back, her name is Jessica, and our son is dressed as the Joker, his name is Freddy" Frank said as he forked over the agreed upon $150. Wayne stuck the money in his belt pouch and headed out the back door.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" a group of children screamed as Bruzinski came out the back door. He stopped and made heroic pose for them. "AWESOME" they screamed in unison. Wayne flourished his cape and started karate chopping the air as he walked towards the center of the yard. He did his best version of an aerial spinning back kick when he got to his destination. That was met by thunderous applause from the children. "I AM THE BAT THAT RULES THE NIGHT" he yelled as he looked around. "Awww shit" he said to himself as he took notice of the woman in the white dress. The same woman he saw at the Big Breezy. Shaking it off, he continued "I AM THE BAT THE FIGHTS FOR WHAT'S RIGHT", "I AM THE MANBAT" he finished with a muscle pose.
"AND I AM THE JOKER" the young kid yelled, punching towards Wayne. The Manbat saw the incoming punch and jumped backwards. "AHH AHH AHH" he said to the kid, "You must be Freddy". The kid nodded and then tried to hit Bruzinski in the stomach again. Wanye sidestepped the kid and said "who wants to hear about my awesome crime fighting?" "YEAH!" all the kids screamed.
He instructed all the kids to sit down in a semi circle. Once they did, Wayne started telling them stories about all the criminals he had busted, lying about all of it of course. His stomach started to groan and he silently cursed himself for eating the burritos. He composed himself and continued his stories.
"Who wants caaaa-aaake?" Jessica half sang as she asked. "Stop looking at her tits" Wayne said to himself as he continued to stare at them. "Do you want a piece?" Jessica asked Wayne. "More than you know" he answered before he really had a chance to consider what he was saying. She gave him a scrutinizing glance. "Diabetic" he said "sugar's low". Jessica smiled at him and handed him a large piece of cake. Wayne ate it in like 3 bites and started to walk towards Jessica to talk to her while the kids were occupied and Frank was in the house.
He was about 2 strides away from Jessica when out of nowhere came Freddy. "I AM THE JOKER" he screamed as he lunged both his fists towards the Manbat, one connecting solidly with his stomach, the other his groin. "BLAAAARGHH" Wayne yelled as he vomited his 2nd burrito bowl all over Jessica and simultaneously shit himself. He shat himself with such force that it blew the ass out of his costume and covered the kids eating cake with diarrhea. Wayne fell to the ground in a pool of his own vomit and feces.
Wayne lay there clutching his stomach and moaning because his stomach hurt. The blow to the stomach had caused his bowels to start convulsing, so about every 4 seconds or so he would cramp up again and mud-shotgun the already shit covered kids. Between shitty blasts, Wayne looked up towards Jessica to see her vomiting into the swimming pool, covered from head to toe in Manbat puke. Bruzinski stood up and shit ran down his shaky legs. "Are you okay" he said to Jessica. "I'll be okay, how about you" she asked when she finished vomiting. "Oh jesus, that burrito is tearing the ass out of me" he said as he pulled off his mask, totally forgetting that this was the woman he threw a burrito bowl at earlier in the day.
As soon as she saw his face, Jessica said "You son of a bitch, you are the asshole from the burrito place". Wayne tried to respond but his stomach tightened up on him again, forcing him to fart diarrhea all over the table containing the food and what was left of the cake. "FRANK" he heard Jessica yell. Wayne turned around and started heading for the gate to make a quick escape. Half of the kids lay on the ground moaning and puking and the other half were gagging and screaming for dear life. "I gotta get the fuck outta here" he said to the kids and he suddenly stopped. "If I leave now I'll get shit all over the Manbatmobile" he thought to himself.
Without hesitation, Bruzinski jumped into the pool and washed the shit and puke from his body. Wayne got out of the pool just about as quickly as he jumped in, grabbing the tablecloth from the table and wiping his ass with it. Just then Frank and a still puke covered Jessica emerged from the house. "Holy SHAAARGH" was what Frank said as he turned and vomited onto his wife when he took in the scene before him, and more so the aroma. Bruzinski wasted no time running for the gate. He tried to open the gate, but it would not budge. "Padlock" he cursed.
He turned around to see Frank walking towards him. "Fuck it" said the Manbat and he started to climb the fence. "Not so fast" Frank said, grabbing Wayne by the leg and pulling "you're gonna clean all oooooh". At that moment the Manbat slipped and came crashing down on top of the fence on his stomach, instantly spraying diarrhea all over Frank's face and into his mouth as he was speaking. Frank instantly started throwing up all over again. He puked all over Bruzinski's ass and Wayne fell over the fence and landed face first on the driveway. He sprang to his feet still shitting as he went.
"I can't get into my car like this" he thought to himself "I'll get shit everywhere". He noticed that the Trans-Am in the driveway was unlocked. Wayne jumped in and started wiping his ass all over the seats. In the back of the car there was a winter coat and a tarp. Bruzinski grabbed both and wiped his ass with the coat as he started back to his car. When he got there he draped the tarp over his driver seat and threw the coat onto the hood of the SUV parked in front of him.
The Manbat hauled ass out of there. "That was a fucking nightmare" he said to himself as he fled the scene. Wayne drove all the way home and tried to make sense of what just happened. "OH OH" he said as he opened the pouch on his belt. There, in the pouch, was 1 one hundred dollar bill and 1 fifty dollar bill. "Score" he said as he smiled to himself.
Wayne was almost home when he got another phone call from someone wanting him to do a birthday party. "Fuck this shit" he said and threw the phone out the window of his car as he drove over an overpass. Bruzinski had seen enough of that shit. "Never again" he said.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The Manbat Breaks Up Prostitution
It was a nice day outside and Wayne wished he was anywhere but the Gas Up. He was having a typically slow Tuesday so he was reading the paper to pass the time. A headline caught his attention.
"Prostitution in Columbus, A Serious Matter"
If there was one thing The Manbat hated, it was prostitutes. Bruzinski decided that he would don the attire of The Manbat this evening and bring about the beginning of the end of this prostitution ring.
Wayne got off work and headed out to the car. He was drinking an energy drink as he walked. After taking one last swallow from the can, he threw it at the dumpster, missing completely. "Son of a fuck" he yelled at the can and dumpster. Wayne looked into the back seat to make sure his duffle bag was there. When he made visual confirmation that it was in fact there, he jumped in the car and sped off to Columbus.
Bruzinski didn't know the first thing about how or where to find a hooker. "Those sluts hang out at motels" he said under his breath, so he set out to find a shady hourly motel.
About 25 minutes later, Wayne found a pretty seedy motel. He parked the Manbatmobile and proceeded to the motel lobby. Before he could even get to the office he was stopped by a woman. "You looking for a good time" the woman asked. "Does the Pope shit in the woods" came Bruzinski's reply. The woman looked at him confusedly. "Yeah, lets party" he said to her. "Room 23 honey" she said with her 2 pack a day cigarette voice, "knock twice".
Bruzinski went back to his LTD to grab his duffle bag and then looked for a place to change. As he looked around he saw an open door with a light on inside. Upon further inspection he saw that the room contained a few vending machines and the ice maker. Wayne started to undress when a drunk man walked in. Standing there in his underwear and mask, Bruzinski wasn't sure what to do. Without thinking Wayne shouted "Hadoken" and nailed the man in the chin with an uppercut. The guy slipped in some water and hit his head on the wall and the ice machine on the way down. The Manbat finished getting dressed and put the man into the broom closet with a bag of ice on his head. "Sorry bud" he murmured as he left the room.
Bruzinski made his way to room 23. Once he got there he knocked twice on the door. Without a word, the woman opened the door. "Shit sugar, I didn't know you were into bondage" she said as she lead him into the room. He sat on the bed and she introduced herself as she started messaging his shoulders. "My name is Mercedes, and I like it rough" she said in a somewhat breathy voice. "Then you're gonna love me" The Manbat shouted in a guttural voice, punching her in the face as he did so.
Mercedes flew backward off the bed and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Wayne jumped to his feet and stretched the woman out into a prone position on the floor, face up. Images of his mother leapt into his mind.
She pissed him off so badly. All throughout his childhood he had to listen to her fuck random guys at night. There was always some new guy coming over to the house. Sometimes they would feign interest in Wayne, sometimes they would just go straight to the bedroom.
"Your gonna die bitch" he said to the image in his head. The Manbat turned suddenly and tried to lift the TV off of the table, but it was bolted down. "MOTHERFUCKERSONOFABITCH" he screamed as he ripped the TV off of the table, using the hatred of his mother to fuel him. Once the TV was free of the table, Wayne hoisted it high into the air and slammed it down on the prostitute's head, killing her instantly and splattering blood and bits of skull and whatnot all over the room.
Bruzinski stopped at the vending machine for a candy bar on the way back to the car. "Manbat 1, Hookers 0" he said with a mouthful of chocolate, peanuts, and nougat. He got in his car and drove home.
3 days later, Wayne decided he would spend the weekend at the Mancave. He knew that he was going to get into the thick of the prostitution ring. Once Wayne got settled in he grabbed a telephone book and started looking for the cheap motels in the Columbus area. He made a list of phone numbers and addresses for investigation.
After a few strikeouts, Bruzinski finally found a prostitute at a hotel on the north side of Columbus. "Hey baby, you looking to get lucky" she said to him before he even had a chance to park the car. Wayne replied "Are you?". "Ooooooh" the lady of the night cooed, "Room 12 once you're ready".
The Manbat ran across the street to a gas station and changed into his costume behind the dumpster and headed back to the motel. "Room 12, here I come" he said as he mentally psyched himself up for the encounter.
When Bruzinski knocked on the door, the hooker answered and looked at him, puzzled. He lifted up the mask and feigned a smile at her. "What the fuck kind of getup is this" she asked him. "I'm into S&M and shit" Wayne lied. "You look more like a superhero" she said to him, "Come in and lets get this shit going. It's 50 to fuck, 100 if you want to do weird shit, which it looks like you do".
The Dark Vigilante forked over 100 dollars and the prostitute put a blindfold on him. Suddenly he felt her strap something across his mouth. He felt the device with his tongue. The surface was smooth and round, like a ball. She told Wayne to lay on the bed and he felt something soft and fuzzy around his wrists. Next thing he knew he was bound to the bed, unable to move around much.
"I'm just going to take these pants off" she said as she pulled Wayne's pants down. The Manbat struggled against his bindings. The hooker started to breath into his ear and let out a little moan. That was all it took to remind Bruzinski of his mother. With the strength of 1000 men, The Dark Vigilante snapped out of his bonds.
"YOURUINEDMYLIFE" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he threw the woman of the night off of him. She slammed to the floor in a heap. Wayne stood on the bed for a second considering his next move. The woman looked up at him in terror as he towered above her.
Then he had an idea.
The Manbat started repeatedly rotating his hand at the wrist in a flourish that ended with him bringing it cupped to his ear. He did this several times. With a satisfied look on his face he muttered "The Macho Man from the top rope" and dove onto the woman, dropping a hard elbow to her face. Wayne immediately pounced on her after the elbow drop connected, pulling a brass knuckle from his belt pouch. Bruzinski pummeled the woman over and over, shouting "I hate you" with each successive blow. When the red haze cleared, the woman lay dead and The Manbat was heaving with each breath. Wayne recovered his $100, left the scene and went home.
This cycle continued for weeks. Bruzinski would search out cheap motels, find a hooker, and end up killing her when she inevitably reminded him of his mother.
One night Wayne decided to go out "hookin'", as he called it and he went back to one of the motels he had previously been to. When he got there, he had no trouble at all finding a prostitute to bust. The woman told him to come to room 4, so Bruzinski found a place to change into his costume and headed there.
The Manbat knocked on the door 3 times and the hooker opened up the door. She was really beautiful. He noticed that she wasn't quite as trashy as some of the other women he had seen recently, but he didn't let that deter him. This woman was a whore, and he was going to stop that shit tonight.
"Payment up front baby" the woman said, motioning suggestively to our hero. Wayne pulled out a wad of cash and said "I want it all". She smiled. And moaned.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFUCK" The Manbat screamed as he back fisted the hooker off the bed. "THE MANBAT WILL CLEANSE THE EARTH OF YOUR KIND SUCCUBUS" was his follow up. Wayne lifted the woman over his head and started to press her up and down like a famous wrestler. He pushed his arms as high as they would go and dropped the woman to the ground behind him. As soon as he let go, he whirled around and snatched her up again. This time putting her into a reverse headlock. Wayne grabbed the woman's belt and hoisted her up into the air so she was vertical, feet straight up, still maintaining the headlock.
Suddenly there were 2 loud smashing sounds followed by a bunch of yelling. "Put the officer down" he heard one of the men say, but it was too late because Bruzinski had already put the suplex into motion. He landed on the ground on his back but still holding the woman, but she was no longer perpendicular to his body. Her skull drove into the floor and split wide open as well as the weight of her body snapping her neck at the same time. Wayne stood up immediately and spun around. There were law enforcement officers everywhere. Some were coming out of the bathroom, and others were coming from the front door and the door to the next room. "Excellent timing officers, and you're welcome" he said with a bow. "Shut the fuck up and get on the ground right now" one of the men said, training his weapon on The Manbat. Bruzinski started to take a step forward and said "I am the bat that rules the night..." but he didn't get to finish. The officer that spoke fired his weapon into Wayne's leg.
"ASS" he said as he collapsed to the ground, clutching his leg. "Don't fucking move" the man said to him, as he looked over towards an officer attending to the female Bruzinski had suplexed. "She's dead Paul" the officer told the man who shot The Manbat. "You motherfucker" he spat at Wayne. "Everyone out" he yelled. The officer that was attending to the woman stopped and whispered to Paul, "No one would blame you if you killed that asshole right now". That is exactly what he was going to do.
He pulled Wayne to his feet and stared into his eyes. "So you are the sick son of a bitch that has been killing people?" he asked Bruzinski. "The hookers?" The Manbat asked. "Yeah, and my partner" he quipped back. "Well, she asked for it. I am cleaning up these streets because I'm sick and tired of all the fucking trash" Wayne said. "That isn't your job" Paul said as a tear streaked down his face, "That was my partner, a fellow officer" he finished. "Did you know she was trickin' on the side?" asked The Manbat. Paul decked him. "This was a fucking sting to catch both hookers and Johns you dumb son of a bitch" he said as he pointed his gun at Wayne. "Tonight we caught the guy responsible for killing all these people" Paul accused. "And he won't kill again" he said punctuating each syllable with a shot from his weapon.
Bruzinski lay dead in a pool of his own blood. The officers on the scene testified that Paul had no other choice than to use deadly force and he was acquitted of any wrong doing in the death of Wayne Bruzinski. The prostitution ring basically vanished as well because the word got out that a guy in a bat costume was killing prostitutes. Wayne had done it, but it cost him his life in the process. It's too bad he won't be remembered as anything other than a sick man.
"Prostitution in Columbus, A Serious Matter"
If there was one thing The Manbat hated, it was prostitutes. Bruzinski decided that he would don the attire of The Manbat this evening and bring about the beginning of the end of this prostitution ring.
Wayne got off work and headed out to the car. He was drinking an energy drink as he walked. After taking one last swallow from the can, he threw it at the dumpster, missing completely. "Son of a fuck" he yelled at the can and dumpster. Wayne looked into the back seat to make sure his duffle bag was there. When he made visual confirmation that it was in fact there, he jumped in the car and sped off to Columbus.
Bruzinski didn't know the first thing about how or where to find a hooker. "Those sluts hang out at motels" he said under his breath, so he set out to find a shady hourly motel.
About 25 minutes later, Wayne found a pretty seedy motel. He parked the Manbatmobile and proceeded to the motel lobby. Before he could even get to the office he was stopped by a woman. "You looking for a good time" the woman asked. "Does the Pope shit in the woods" came Bruzinski's reply. The woman looked at him confusedly. "Yeah, lets party" he said to her. "Room 23 honey" she said with her 2 pack a day cigarette voice, "knock twice".
Bruzinski went back to his LTD to grab his duffle bag and then looked for a place to change. As he looked around he saw an open door with a light on inside. Upon further inspection he saw that the room contained a few vending machines and the ice maker. Wayne started to undress when a drunk man walked in. Standing there in his underwear and mask, Bruzinski wasn't sure what to do. Without thinking Wayne shouted "Hadoken" and nailed the man in the chin with an uppercut. The guy slipped in some water and hit his head on the wall and the ice machine on the way down. The Manbat finished getting dressed and put the man into the broom closet with a bag of ice on his head. "Sorry bud" he murmured as he left the room.
Bruzinski made his way to room 23. Once he got there he knocked twice on the door. Without a word, the woman opened the door. "Shit sugar, I didn't know you were into bondage" she said as she lead him into the room. He sat on the bed and she introduced herself as she started messaging his shoulders. "My name is Mercedes, and I like it rough" she said in a somewhat breathy voice. "Then you're gonna love me" The Manbat shouted in a guttural voice, punching her in the face as he did so.
Mercedes flew backward off the bed and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Wayne jumped to his feet and stretched the woman out into a prone position on the floor, face up. Images of his mother leapt into his mind.
She pissed him off so badly. All throughout his childhood he had to listen to her fuck random guys at night. There was always some new guy coming over to the house. Sometimes they would feign interest in Wayne, sometimes they would just go straight to the bedroom.
"Your gonna die bitch" he said to the image in his head. The Manbat turned suddenly and tried to lift the TV off of the table, but it was bolted down. "MOTHERFUCKERSONOFABITCH" he screamed as he ripped the TV off of the table, using the hatred of his mother to fuel him. Once the TV was free of the table, Wayne hoisted it high into the air and slammed it down on the prostitute's head, killing her instantly and splattering blood and bits of skull and whatnot all over the room.
Bruzinski stopped at the vending machine for a candy bar on the way back to the car. "Manbat 1, Hookers 0" he said with a mouthful of chocolate, peanuts, and nougat. He got in his car and drove home.
3 days later, Wayne decided he would spend the weekend at the Mancave. He knew that he was going to get into the thick of the prostitution ring. Once Wayne got settled in he grabbed a telephone book and started looking for the cheap motels in the Columbus area. He made a list of phone numbers and addresses for investigation.
After a few strikeouts, Bruzinski finally found a prostitute at a hotel on the north side of Columbus. "Hey baby, you looking to get lucky" she said to him before he even had a chance to park the car. Wayne replied "Are you?". "Ooooooh" the lady of the night cooed, "Room 12 once you're ready".
The Manbat ran across the street to a gas station and changed into his costume behind the dumpster and headed back to the motel. "Room 12, here I come" he said as he mentally psyched himself up for the encounter.
When Bruzinski knocked on the door, the hooker answered and looked at him, puzzled. He lifted up the mask and feigned a smile at her. "What the fuck kind of getup is this" she asked him. "I'm into S&M and shit" Wayne lied. "You look more like a superhero" she said to him, "Come in and lets get this shit going. It's 50 to fuck, 100 if you want to do weird shit, which it looks like you do".
The Dark Vigilante forked over 100 dollars and the prostitute put a blindfold on him. Suddenly he felt her strap something across his mouth. He felt the device with his tongue. The surface was smooth and round, like a ball. She told Wayne to lay on the bed and he felt something soft and fuzzy around his wrists. Next thing he knew he was bound to the bed, unable to move around much.
"I'm just going to take these pants off" she said as she pulled Wayne's pants down. The Manbat struggled against his bindings. The hooker started to breath into his ear and let out a little moan. That was all it took to remind Bruzinski of his mother. With the strength of 1000 men, The Dark Vigilante snapped out of his bonds.
"YOURUINEDMYLIFE" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he threw the woman of the night off of him. She slammed to the floor in a heap. Wayne stood on the bed for a second considering his next move. The woman looked up at him in terror as he towered above her.
Then he had an idea.
The Manbat started repeatedly rotating his hand at the wrist in a flourish that ended with him bringing it cupped to his ear. He did this several times. With a satisfied look on his face he muttered "The Macho Man from the top rope" and dove onto the woman, dropping a hard elbow to her face. Wayne immediately pounced on her after the elbow drop connected, pulling a brass knuckle from his belt pouch. Bruzinski pummeled the woman over and over, shouting "I hate you" with each successive blow. When the red haze cleared, the woman lay dead and The Manbat was heaving with each breath. Wayne recovered his $100, left the scene and went home.
This cycle continued for weeks. Bruzinski would search out cheap motels, find a hooker, and end up killing her when she inevitably reminded him of his mother.
One night Wayne decided to go out "hookin'", as he called it and he went back to one of the motels he had previously been to. When he got there, he had no trouble at all finding a prostitute to bust. The woman told him to come to room 4, so Bruzinski found a place to change into his costume and headed there.
The Manbat knocked on the door 3 times and the hooker opened up the door. She was really beautiful. He noticed that she wasn't quite as trashy as some of the other women he had seen recently, but he didn't let that deter him. This woman was a whore, and he was going to stop that shit tonight.
"Payment up front baby" the woman said, motioning suggestively to our hero. Wayne pulled out a wad of cash and said "I want it all". She smiled. And moaned.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFUCK" The Manbat screamed as he back fisted the hooker off the bed. "THE MANBAT WILL CLEANSE THE EARTH OF YOUR KIND SUCCUBUS" was his follow up. Wayne lifted the woman over his head and started to press her up and down like a famous wrestler. He pushed his arms as high as they would go and dropped the woman to the ground behind him. As soon as he let go, he whirled around and snatched her up again. This time putting her into a reverse headlock. Wayne grabbed the woman's belt and hoisted her up into the air so she was vertical, feet straight up, still maintaining the headlock.
Suddenly there were 2 loud smashing sounds followed by a bunch of yelling. "Put the officer down" he heard one of the men say, but it was too late because Bruzinski had already put the suplex into motion. He landed on the ground on his back but still holding the woman, but she was no longer perpendicular to his body. Her skull drove into the floor and split wide open as well as the weight of her body snapping her neck at the same time. Wayne stood up immediately and spun around. There were law enforcement officers everywhere. Some were coming out of the bathroom, and others were coming from the front door and the door to the next room. "Excellent timing officers, and you're welcome" he said with a bow. "Shut the fuck up and get on the ground right now" one of the men said, training his weapon on The Manbat. Bruzinski started to take a step forward and said "I am the bat that rules the night..." but he didn't get to finish. The officer that spoke fired his weapon into Wayne's leg.
"ASS" he said as he collapsed to the ground, clutching his leg. "Don't fucking move" the man said to him, as he looked over towards an officer attending to the female Bruzinski had suplexed. "She's dead Paul" the officer told the man who shot The Manbat. "You motherfucker" he spat at Wayne. "Everyone out" he yelled. The officer that was attending to the woman stopped and whispered to Paul, "No one would blame you if you killed that asshole right now". That is exactly what he was going to do.
He pulled Wayne to his feet and stared into his eyes. "So you are the sick son of a bitch that has been killing people?" he asked Bruzinski. "The hookers?" The Manbat asked. "Yeah, and my partner" he quipped back. "Well, she asked for it. I am cleaning up these streets because I'm sick and tired of all the fucking trash" Wayne said. "That isn't your job" Paul said as a tear streaked down his face, "That was my partner, a fellow officer" he finished. "Did you know she was trickin' on the side?" asked The Manbat. Paul decked him. "This was a fucking sting to catch both hookers and Johns you dumb son of a bitch" he said as he pointed his gun at Wayne. "Tonight we caught the guy responsible for killing all these people" Paul accused. "And he won't kill again" he said punctuating each syllable with a shot from his weapon.
Bruzinski lay dead in a pool of his own blood. The officers on the scene testified that Paul had no other choice than to use deadly force and he was acquitted of any wrong doing in the death of Wayne Bruzinski. The prostitution ring basically vanished as well because the word got out that a guy in a bat costume was killing prostitutes. Wayne had done it, but it cost him his life in the process. It's too bad he won't be remembered as anything other than a sick man.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
The Manbat 'Roid Rages
The Manbat Wayne Bruzinski had taken up going to the gym after being beaten by a group of men. The men were graffiti tagging the side of a building and when our hero intervened he got his ass handed to him. Wayne figured he needed to build muscle before he could fight crime the right way.
At the gym Wayne looked for a trainer to help him achieve the type of figure he wanted. The Manbat wanted muscles so big criminals would shit their pants when confronted by him. All the trainers he met demanded an absorbent amount of money and Wayne could not foot the bill.
"Hey buddy, come here." A man said to Wayne.
Wayne walked over to the man. "You wanna get ripped quick? I got some pills that will help and a training program that will have you punching dudes head's off in a month."
This is what Bruzinski wanted to hear. "Yeah, sounds good. What are the pills?" He asked.
"Just a vitamin cocktail with amino acids." The man lied, it was really steroids. The man also set him up with a work out regimen that was guaranteed to build muscles fast. "Take one of those pills every day and you will be ripped big time."
Wayne started right away. Things went slow at first and then he was able to lift more and more weight. In weeks he was beginning to build muscle and the worst attitude ever. He found himself screaming at traffic more and more each day and getting in arguments with costumers at his job. Also just recently a new tenant in his building had started taking his parking place. Wayne had knocked and asked the man to move. The man called him a pussy and slammed the door in his face. This went on every time Wayne came home from work or the gym and the man would not move his car. This did nothing to help with his mood.
Today he was at work and an old woman stood at the counter wanting to play lottery.
"Fill out a card." Wayne told her.
"Can't you just punch the numbers in for me..." She started to say.
"I'll punch your fucking head in if you don't fill out a god damned fucking card! You stupid old whore!" He screamed at her so loud the air pressure in the store changed. "Are you to old to fill in a few little bubbles?"
The woman stared at Wayne with tears in he eyes. "Why are you looking at me like a monkey doing a math problem?" Wayne spat.
The woman rushed from the store and Wayne started to laugh. "Dumb mother fuckers. I hate all these people." He sat back on the counter and flipped through a magazine.
His boss came inside suddenly with a scowl on his face, "Did you yell at that woman?" He asked.
"No Rodney," Wayne explained, "I fucking screamed at her louder than your bitch wife does when I give her the long dong in her butt hole!"
Wayne's boss Rodney grabbed Wayne by his collar and jerked him over the counter and snapped him in a headlock. He drug Wayne to the door and shoved him out. "You're fired and if I see you again I'll beat your fucking guts out and that's a Waynesville guarantee!" His boss shouted.
Wayne stood up and cocked his fist, stepping toward the man. His boss punched him in the eye and Wayne fell on his ass. His boss turned around and went inside locking the door behind him. Wayne brushed himself off and got in his car. He went home for the day to find his parking place taken again. He went upstairs and knocked on the man's door. The man didn't answer.
"Move your fucking car!" Our hero yelled.
"Go fuck yourself!" Came the muffled reply from behind the door.
Wayne turned around and stormed to his apartment and went inside. "I'll show this choad smack what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He crossed to his closet and scooped up a crowbar. He tried to wrestle into his Manbat costume but it wouldn't fit because of his new found muscle mass. Wayne dug out his yoga pants and compression shirt. He donned the old outfit and went outside with crowbar in hand. Wayne moved to the man's car and smashed a headlight out.
"This is what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He screamed every time he struck the car. He smashed out the driver window and walked to the hood. He held the crowbar above his head and rammed it into the hood penetrating it a little. Feeling empowered he slammed the crowbar over and over into the front end.
"See what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He cried.
Suddenly the car's owner burst out into the street with a shotgun in his hands. "Stop you fucking lunatic!" He said as he pointed the gun at Wayne.
The Manbat wasted no time and threw the crowbar at the man. It struck him in the neck and the man crumpled to the ground, dropping the shotgun. "Can't believe that worked." Wayne murmured under his breath. He strode over to the man and kicked him flat to the ground and grabbed the gun. He walked over to the car and pumped rounds into the front tire and the passenger window. 'Nice hair trigger." Wayne thought. He moved to the driver side door and flipped the shotgun around in his hands holding it by the barrel. It burnt his hands somewhat but he was to blood crazed to care.
He lifted the gun over his head like a club and screamed, "This is what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He brought the gun down on the windshield and it fired into his chest, leaving a bloody hole were once the Manbat symbol was adorned.
Paramedics and police arrived at the scene and rushed Wayne off to the morgue. The man he had hit with the crowbar had suffered a collapsed windpipe but recovered in the hospital. It was deemed that Wayne Bruzinski was an abuser of steroids and had raged out from constant use. The Manbat strikes... Whatever...
At the gym Wayne looked for a trainer to help him achieve the type of figure he wanted. The Manbat wanted muscles so big criminals would shit their pants when confronted by him. All the trainers he met demanded an absorbent amount of money and Wayne could not foot the bill.
"Hey buddy, come here." A man said to Wayne.
Wayne walked over to the man. "You wanna get ripped quick? I got some pills that will help and a training program that will have you punching dudes head's off in a month."
This is what Bruzinski wanted to hear. "Yeah, sounds good. What are the pills?" He asked.
"Just a vitamin cocktail with amino acids." The man lied, it was really steroids. The man also set him up with a work out regimen that was guaranteed to build muscles fast. "Take one of those pills every day and you will be ripped big time."
Wayne started right away. Things went slow at first and then he was able to lift more and more weight. In weeks he was beginning to build muscle and the worst attitude ever. He found himself screaming at traffic more and more each day and getting in arguments with costumers at his job. Also just recently a new tenant in his building had started taking his parking place. Wayne had knocked and asked the man to move. The man called him a pussy and slammed the door in his face. This went on every time Wayne came home from work or the gym and the man would not move his car. This did nothing to help with his mood.
Today he was at work and an old woman stood at the counter wanting to play lottery.
"Fill out a card." Wayne told her.
"Can't you just punch the numbers in for me..." She started to say.
"I'll punch your fucking head in if you don't fill out a god damned fucking card! You stupid old whore!" He screamed at her so loud the air pressure in the store changed. "Are you to old to fill in a few little bubbles?"
The woman stared at Wayne with tears in he eyes. "Why are you looking at me like a monkey doing a math problem?" Wayne spat.
The woman rushed from the store and Wayne started to laugh. "Dumb mother fuckers. I hate all these people." He sat back on the counter and flipped through a magazine.
His boss came inside suddenly with a scowl on his face, "Did you yell at that woman?" He asked.
"No Rodney," Wayne explained, "I fucking screamed at her louder than your bitch wife does when I give her the long dong in her butt hole!"
Wayne's boss Rodney grabbed Wayne by his collar and jerked him over the counter and snapped him in a headlock. He drug Wayne to the door and shoved him out. "You're fired and if I see you again I'll beat your fucking guts out and that's a Waynesville guarantee!" His boss shouted.
Wayne stood up and cocked his fist, stepping toward the man. His boss punched him in the eye and Wayne fell on his ass. His boss turned around and went inside locking the door behind him. Wayne brushed himself off and got in his car. He went home for the day to find his parking place taken again. He went upstairs and knocked on the man's door. The man didn't answer.
"Move your fucking car!" Our hero yelled.
"Go fuck yourself!" Came the muffled reply from behind the door.
Wayne turned around and stormed to his apartment and went inside. "I'll show this choad smack what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He crossed to his closet and scooped up a crowbar. He tried to wrestle into his Manbat costume but it wouldn't fit because of his new found muscle mass. Wayne dug out his yoga pants and compression shirt. He donned the old outfit and went outside with crowbar in hand. Wayne moved to the man's car and smashed a headlight out.
"This is what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He screamed every time he struck the car. He smashed out the driver window and walked to the hood. He held the crowbar above his head and rammed it into the hood penetrating it a little. Feeling empowered he slammed the crowbar over and over into the front end.
"See what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He cried.
Suddenly the car's owner burst out into the street with a shotgun in his hands. "Stop you fucking lunatic!" He said as he pointed the gun at Wayne.
The Manbat wasted no time and threw the crowbar at the man. It struck him in the neck and the man crumpled to the ground, dropping the shotgun. "Can't believe that worked." Wayne murmured under his breath. He strode over to the man and kicked him flat to the ground and grabbed the gun. He walked over to the car and pumped rounds into the front tire and the passenger window. 'Nice hair trigger." Wayne thought. He moved to the driver side door and flipped the shotgun around in his hands holding it by the barrel. It burnt his hands somewhat but he was to blood crazed to care.
He lifted the gun over his head like a club and screamed, "This is what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He brought the gun down on the windshield and it fired into his chest, leaving a bloody hole were once the Manbat symbol was adorned.
Paramedics and police arrived at the scene and rushed Wayne off to the morgue. The man he had hit with the crowbar had suffered a collapsed windpipe but recovered in the hospital. It was deemed that Wayne Bruzinski was an abuser of steroids and had raged out from constant use. The Manbat strikes... Whatever...
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Mechanical Failure
The crossbow was all well and good for Wayne's need of a grapnel gun, but in recent days it had become overly cumbersome for every day use. It was too heavy to carry on long scouting missions and it didn't have the conceal-ability he wanted to achieve. Many times he was forced to leave it behind during infiltration training, the Manbat already being to big to fit in most spaces and the weapon making it impossible for movement in air ducts and sewers. Recently Wayne had lost the crossbow out right after getting himself stuck in a storm drain he had wedged himself into. It took him two days to retrieve the weapon and he had spent a couple days at home after coming down with dysentery. He spent those days shitting himself and vomiting blood before the antibiotics finally purged the pathogen.
Wayne Bruzinski had come against a brick wall in terms of a solution to the grapnel gun. He was begining to think such things were impossible, a daydream of comic writers. He was about to give up when he tossed his crossbow in the closet and his paintball gun fell out. "Oh, fuck yeah, fuck fuckity fuck yeah!" He picked it up and laughed like a giddy school child with a sugar rush. It was light weight and was easily held in one hand. It could be concealed after a few modifications and wouldn't hinder movement like the bow.
So, first things first, Wayne moved the air compressor canister to the top of the gun to cut down the length. Then he cold welded a barrel with a wider opening to the original barrel after cutting that down. He capped of the opening for the paint ball hopper as it wasn't needed any more. After some research on the internet Wayne discovered his existing grapnel hook would be to big for firing from the device. He went to his buddy Jason's house to have him make a smaller hook.
Everything was finally in place and Wayne was putting the finishing touches on his new grapnel gun (You know, bad ass black and yellow paint and a Manbat symbol) before test fire. He slid the new grapnel in the barrel, this one weighing in at the four pounds needed to fire long distances. Wayne was at home and had drug in a piece of a tree trunk that had been removed from behind the building as a target. He took aim at the wood more or less with a lack of scope and pulled the trigger. The air shot out and the hook just kind of fell to the floor about four inches away. "Back to the damn drawing board." Wayne complained.
After wrapping the hook in foam Wayne wedged the thing back in place. It was a tight fit and he was sure after the force exerted to put it in place it would give him a better shot. He looked at the gun and figured he needed some type of scope, so being the handy man he is, Wayne made a crude scope by bending a coat hanger into a loop. This is what the blue print for the scope looked like:
He used tooth picks for cross hairs and fastened it to the air tank with zip ties. So he was ready. He took aim, raising the scope to his face and aiming at the wood once again and congratulated himself on his little invention. He pulled the trigger and the tank exploded because of the choked off barrel. The sight shot straight back into his eye, penetrating his brain and killing him almost instantly. It wasn't until Wayne's landlord was forced to enter the apartment after he hadn't paid his rent for so long that his body was found.
Wayne Bruzinski had come against a brick wall in terms of a solution to the grapnel gun. He was begining to think such things were impossible, a daydream of comic writers. He was about to give up when he tossed his crossbow in the closet and his paintball gun fell out. "Oh, fuck yeah, fuck fuckity fuck yeah!" He picked it up and laughed like a giddy school child with a sugar rush. It was light weight and was easily held in one hand. It could be concealed after a few modifications and wouldn't hinder movement like the bow.
So, first things first, Wayne moved the air compressor canister to the top of the gun to cut down the length. Then he cold welded a barrel with a wider opening to the original barrel after cutting that down. He capped of the opening for the paint ball hopper as it wasn't needed any more. After some research on the internet Wayne discovered his existing grapnel hook would be to big for firing from the device. He went to his buddy Jason's house to have him make a smaller hook.
Everything was finally in place and Wayne was putting the finishing touches on his new grapnel gun (You know, bad ass black and yellow paint and a Manbat symbol) before test fire. He slid the new grapnel in the barrel, this one weighing in at the four pounds needed to fire long distances. Wayne was at home and had drug in a piece of a tree trunk that had been removed from behind the building as a target. He took aim at the wood more or less with a lack of scope and pulled the trigger. The air shot out and the hook just kind of fell to the floor about four inches away. "Back to the damn drawing board." Wayne complained.
After wrapping the hook in foam Wayne wedged the thing back in place. It was a tight fit and he was sure after the force exerted to put it in place it would give him a better shot. He looked at the gun and figured he needed some type of scope, so being the handy man he is, Wayne made a crude scope by bending a coat hanger into a loop. This is what the blue print for the scope looked like:
He used tooth picks for cross hairs and fastened it to the air tank with zip ties. So he was ready. He took aim, raising the scope to his face and aiming at the wood once again and congratulated himself on his little invention. He pulled the trigger and the tank exploded because of the choked off barrel. The sight shot straight back into his eye, penetrating his brain and killing him almost instantly. It wasn't until Wayne's landlord was forced to enter the apartment after he hadn't paid his rent for so long that his body was found.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Breaking News!
Authorities in Dayton have found a man dead in an alley between two buildings. Little is known about the man's identity and authorities have announced the man was found wearing a suit with a hood that had ears like a famous super hero. A snapped laundry line was found dangling from two building where it had been tied off. The building had a crossbow bolt fired into it and the line was hanging from the bolt.
Also found on scene was a crossbow on a roof top and a long painters pole which police believe was used by the man for ballast while attempting to tight rope walk. The police are trying to determine if this was an attempt at a daring stunt, or a drug infused act of stupidity.
Police are asking if anyone knows the owner of a Ford LTD painted with bat symbols. If anyone has any information on who this man is please respond to this post. We will keep you updated when we receive more info.
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Also found on scene was a crossbow on a roof top and a long painters pole which police believe was used by the man for ballast while attempting to tight rope walk. The police are trying to determine if this was an attempt at a daring stunt, or a drug infused act of stupidity.
Police are asking if anyone knows the owner of a Ford LTD painted with bat symbols. If anyone has any information on who this man is please respond to this post. We will keep you updated when we receive more info.
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