The Manbat For Hire

It was a typical Tuesday afternoon and Wayne was trying to think of a way to get the crime to come to him so to speak.  "I need a motherfucking calling card" he thought to himself.  So he decided to go to the local Wally World once he got off of work because he had a great plan brewing in his mind.

Once he got to the warehouse sized store he headed straight back to the electronics.  Right at the cellphone kiosk he found what he was looking for, a trackphone!  He was going to buy the phone with cash and no one would be able to find out who it belonged to.  Wayne found a suitable phone and paid the cashier.  "Now to market my pimp ass" he said under his breath as he left the store.

When he got home he fired up the computer and his trusty free art program.  Wayne's plan was to make a flier with his anonymous trackphone number on it so people could call when they needed help.  Since he didn't have to register the phone, no one would be able to find out who he was!  It was perfect!

He began by putting his Manbat logo on the top of the flier.  Then he typed in the information, it went something like this.

"I am the bat that rules the night.  I am the bat that fights for what's right.  There is a new superhero in town and if you need him, he will come.  I dispatch evil and fight crime!  I am the Manbat!"

He then put the logo again at the bottom to make is look sweet.  Wayne then typed the number to his trackphone vertically on the bottom a bunch of times in a way that would make tear off tabs when he cut them with scissors.  This was going to put him in the big leagues.

With stacks of fliers in hand, Wayne went out and started hanging them anywhere he could think of.  Grocery stores, restaurants, gas stations (even the Gas Up), and other public places. 

Before he had even finished hanging them up his trackphone was already ringing.  "This is the Manbat" he answered in his gruff "Manbat voice".  "Do you do birthday parties?" the woman's voice on the other end asked.  "What the fuck gave you that idea?" Bruzinski shouted into the phone.  The woman hung up on him.  "Asshole" Wayne said into the phone even though he knew no one could hear him.

On the way home the phone rang again.  It was a man this time, asking if Wayne could make an appearance at his kid's birthday party.  "I'll pay you a hundred bucks" the man said just as Bruzinski was about to hang up on him.  "Make it one fifty and you got a deal" he said to the man.  "That's a little steep don't you think?" the man asked.  "Look I don't usually do parties, but I will for one fifty" Wayne said.  "Alright fine, the address is 55 Lakeview St" the man said resignedly, "be there Friday at 1pm" he concluded.  "I'll be there" Wayne said and then hung up the phone. 

Plans started to swirl around in his head.

It was 11am on Friday and Wayne was inhaling a burrito bowl at the local "Big Breezies" burrito shop.  "Gettin' me a fat hizzy hundo" he sang, bits of burrito flying from his mouth with each syllable, "and a fitty figh figh".  Bruzinski started to choke on his food.  He began flailing his arms in the air as his vision started to darken.  He tried to call out for help but he found he couldn't breathe or talk.  He stood up and started pummeling himself in the stomach, hoping to dislodge the food from his esophagus.

Giving up on that idea, he started blindly walking around.  With his arms out he began to feel around as he walked.  Just then he walked into a counter.  Feeling his way around, Bruzinski realized he had stumbled to the soda fountain.  He put his head directly underneath the nozzle and started to drink the soda, but it wouldn't wash the food down.   Wayne doubled over and all the soda ran from his nose and mouth.  He collapsed to the floor holding his throat.  He started to feel like he could maybe swallow the food and clear his airway, so he just tried to swallow over and over again.  He could feel the food moving a little bit every time he did it.  A crowd started to form around him and he struggled to swallow the food and not choke to death on it.  Wayne grabbed at his throat and started to squeeze it while swallowing. 

Suddenly, he swallowed the blockage and his vision returned.  Bruzinski stood up and looked all around.  There were people surrounding him.  "Why the FUUUARRRRRRRGH....".  Wayne didn't get the whole sentence out before he puked all over the 3 people in front of him.   Everyone recoiled in horror.  2 of the 3 people he vomited on starting puking too.  A guy that was oblivious to the whole thing came walking by and slipped in the puke, feet flying out from under him and his food and drink landing on him as he lay in the puddle of vomit.  "God damn it" he started to say before Wayne cut him off.  "I'M FUCKING TALKING HERE!" Bruzinski screamed at the man.

Bruzinski composed himself.  "Anyway, why didn't any of you ASSHOLES help me I was FUCKING CHOKING TO DEATH?"  he demanded.  Everyone just looked away and started back to their seats.  "FUCK YOU PEOPLE I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE ON THE WAY HOME" he shouted at them.  The man laying in the puke put his hand up in the hopes the Wayne would help him up.  "EAT SHIT" Bruzinski said to him as he returned to the table to finish his burrito. 

"Motherfucker" he said when he realized there was only about 1/3 of the bowl left.  A 30ish year old woman spoke up "Sir can you please watch your language, I'm here with my children" she said.  "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK" he retorted and threw the remainder of his burrito bowl at her and her children.  "You sir should be ashamed of yourself, it's his birthday today" the woman said as she motioned to one of her children.  "Whoopee shit" he said and walked away.

Bruzinski went up to the counter and ordered another bowl.  The workers told him they would only sell him one if he agreed to take it to go.  With resignation, he agreed to the compromise.  "See you later you punk bitches" he said to everyone, flourishing a middle finger all around as he walked out the door with his food.

Wayne scarfed the burrito bowl down in his car.  Afterward he went back home to get his suit on for the party.  Right after he got his costume on he started farting a lot.  "Beans beans the magical fruit" he started to sing as he headed for the car.

Bruzinski pulled up at the address the man provided for him at about 1:05pm.  The man was standing at the door when Wayne, already wearing his mask and everything, walked up.  "You're late" the man said with a frown.  "Well today hasn't quite gone as planned" Bruzinski offered.  "Well, lets just get out back where the kids are" the man said.  "Payment first" the Manbat demanded.  "Very well, by the way my name is Frank, my wife is in the while dress out back, her name is Jessica, and our son is dressed as the Joker, his name is Freddy" Frank said as he forked over the agreed upon $150.  Wayne stuck the money in his belt pouch and headed out the back door.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" a group of children screamed as Bruzinski came out the back door.  He stopped and made heroic pose for them.  "AWESOME" they screamed in unison.  Wayne flourished his cape and started karate chopping the air as he walked towards the center of the yard.  He did his best version of an aerial spinning back kick when he got to his destination.  That was met by thunderous applause from the children.  "I AM THE BAT THAT RULES THE NIGHT" he yelled as he looked around.  "Awww shit" he said to himself as he took notice of the woman in the white dress.  The same woman he saw at the Big Breezy.  Shaking it off, he continued "I AM THE BAT THE FIGHTS FOR WHAT'S RIGHT", "I AM THE MANBAT" he finished with a muscle pose. 

"AND I AM THE JOKER" the young kid yelled, punching towards Wayne.  The Manbat saw the incoming punch and jumped backwards.  "AHH AHH AHH" he said to the kid, "You must be Freddy".  The kid nodded and then tried to hit Bruzinski in the stomach again.  Wanye sidestepped the kid and said "who wants to hear about my awesome crime fighting?"  "YEAH!" all the kids screamed.

He instructed all the kids to sit down in a semi circle.  Once they did, Wayne started telling them stories about all the criminals he had busted, lying about all of it of course.  His stomach started to groan and he silently cursed himself for eating the burritos.  He composed himself and continued his stories.

"Who wants caaaa-aaake?" Jessica half sang as she asked.  "Stop looking at her tits" Wayne said to himself as he continued to stare at them.  "Do you want a piece?" Jessica asked Wayne.  "More than you know" he answered before he really had a chance to consider what he was saying.  She gave him a scrutinizing glance.  "Diabetic" he said "sugar's low".  Jessica smiled at him and handed him a large piece of cake.  Wayne ate it in like 3 bites and started to walk towards Jessica to talk to her while the kids were occupied and Frank was in the house.

He was about 2 strides away from Jessica when out of nowhere came Freddy.  "I AM THE JOKER" he screamed as he lunged both his fists towards the Manbat, one connecting solidly with his stomach, the other his groin.  "BLAAAARGHH" Wayne yelled as he vomited his 2nd burrito bowl all over Jessica and simultaneously shit himself.  He shat himself with such force that it blew the ass out of his costume and covered the kids eating cake with diarrhea.  Wayne fell to the ground in a pool of his own vomit and feces. 

Wayne lay there clutching his stomach and moaning because his stomach hurt.  The blow to the stomach had caused his bowels to start convulsing, so about every 4 seconds or so he would cramp up again and mud-shotgun the already shit covered kids.  Between shitty blasts, Wayne looked up towards Jessica to see her vomiting into the swimming pool, covered from head to toe in Manbat puke.  Bruzinski stood up and shit ran down his shaky legs.  "Are you okay" he said to Jessica.  "I'll be okay, how about you" she asked when she finished vomiting.  "Oh jesus, that burrito is tearing the ass out of me" he said as he pulled off his mask, totally forgetting that this was the woman he threw a burrito bowl at earlier in the day.

As soon as she saw his face, Jessica said "You son of a bitch, you are the asshole from the burrito place".  Wayne tried to respond but his stomach tightened up on him again, forcing him to fart diarrhea all over the table containing the food and what was left of the cake.  "FRANK" he heard Jessica yell.  Wayne turned around and started heading for the gate to make a quick escape.  Half of the kids lay on the ground moaning and puking and the other half were gagging and screaming for dear life.  "I gotta get the fuck outta here" he said to the kids and he suddenly stopped.  "If I leave now I'll get shit all over the Manbatmobile" he thought to himself. 

Without hesitation, Bruzinski jumped into the pool and washed the shit and puke from his body.  Wayne got out of the pool just about as quickly as he jumped in, grabbing the tablecloth from the table and wiping his ass with it.  Just then Frank and a still puke covered Jessica emerged from the house.  "Holy SHAAARGH" was what Frank said as he turned and vomited onto his wife when he took in the scene before him, and more so the aroma.  Bruzinski wasted no time running for the gate.  He tried to open the gate, but it would not budge.  "Padlock" he cursed. 

He turned around to see Frank walking towards him.  "Fuck it" said the Manbat and he started to climb the fence.  "Not so fast" Frank said, grabbing Wayne by the leg and pulling "you're gonna clean all oooooh".  At that moment the Manbat slipped and came crashing down on top of the fence on his stomach, instantly spraying diarrhea all over Frank's face and into his mouth as he was speaking.  Frank instantly started throwing up all over again.  He puked all over Bruzinski's ass and Wayne fell over the fence and landed face first on the driveway.  He sprang to his feet still shitting as he went.

"I can't get into my car like this" he thought to himself "I'll get shit everywhere".  He noticed that the Trans-Am in the driveway was unlocked.  Wayne jumped in and started wiping his ass all over the seats.  In the back of the car there was a winter coat and a tarp.  Bruzinski grabbed both and wiped his ass with the coat as he started back to his car.  When he got there he draped the tarp over his driver seat and threw the coat onto the hood of the SUV parked in front of him. 

The Manbat hauled ass out of there.  "That was a fucking nightmare" he said to himself as he fled the scene.  Wayne drove all the way home and tried to make sense of what just happened.  "OH OH" he said as he opened the pouch on his belt.  There, in the pouch, was 1 one hundred dollar bill and 1 fifty dollar bill.  "Score" he said as he smiled to himself. 

Wayne was almost home when he got another phone call from someone wanting him to do a birthday party.  "Fuck this shit" he said and threw the phone out the window of his car as he drove over an overpass.  Bruzinski had seen enough of that shit.  "Never again" he said.

The Manbat Breaks Up Prostitution

It was a nice day outside and Wayne wished he was anywhere but the Gas Up.  He was having a typically slow Tuesday so he was reading the paper to pass the time.  A headline caught his attention.

"Prostitution in Columbus, A Serious Matter"

If there was one thing The Manbat hated, it was prostitutes.  Bruzinski decided that he would don the attire of The Manbat this evening and bring about the beginning of the end of this prostitution ring.

Wayne got off work and headed out to the car.  He was drinking an energy drink as he walked.  After taking one last swallow from the can, he threw it at the dumpster, missing completely.  "Son of a fuck" he yelled at the can and dumpster.  Wayne looked into the back seat to make sure his duffle bag was there.  When he made visual confirmation that it was in fact there, he jumped in the car and sped off to Columbus.

Bruzinski didn't know the first thing about how or where to find a hooker.  "Those sluts hang out at motels" he said under his breath, so he set out to find a shady hourly motel. 

About 25 minutes later, Wayne found a pretty seedy motel.  He parked the Manbatmobile and proceeded to the motel lobby.  Before he could even get to the office he was stopped by a woman.  "You looking for a good time" the woman asked.  "Does the Pope shit in the woods" came Bruzinski's reply.  The woman looked at him confusedly.  "Yeah, lets party" he said to her.  "Room 23 honey" she said with her 2 pack a day cigarette voice, "knock twice". 

Bruzinski went back to his LTD to grab his duffle bag and then looked for a place to change.  As he looked around he saw an open door with a light on inside.  Upon further inspection he saw that the room contained a few vending machines and the ice maker.  Wayne started to undress when a drunk man walked in.  Standing there in his underwear and mask, Bruzinski wasn't sure what to do.  Without thinking Wayne shouted "Hadoken" and nailed the man in the chin with an uppercut.  The guy slipped in some water and hit his head on the wall and the ice machine on the way down.  The Manbat finished getting dressed and put the man into the broom closet with a bag of ice on his head.  "Sorry bud" he murmured as he left the room.

Bruzinski made his way to room 23.  Once he got there he knocked twice on the door.  Without a word, the woman opened the door.  "Shit sugar, I didn't know you were into bondage" she said as she lead him into the room.  He sat on the bed and she introduced herself as she started messaging his shoulders.  "My name is Mercedes, and I like it rough" she said in a somewhat breathy voice.  "Then you're gonna love me" The Manbat shouted in a guttural voice, punching her in the face as he did so.

Mercedes flew backward off the bed and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor.  Wayne jumped to his feet and stretched the woman out into a prone position on the floor, face up.  Images of his mother leapt into his mind.

She pissed him off so badly.  All throughout his childhood he had to listen to her fuck random guys at night.  There was always some new guy coming over to the house.  Sometimes they would feign interest in Wayne, sometimes they would just go straight to the bedroom. 

"Your gonna die bitch" he said to the image in his head.  The Manbat turned suddenly and tried to lift the TV off of the table, but it was bolted down.  "MOTHERFUCKERSONOFABITCH" he screamed as he ripped the TV off of the table, using the hatred of his mother to fuel him.  Once the TV was free of the table, Wayne hoisted it high into the air and slammed it down on the prostitute's head, killing her instantly and splattering blood and bits of skull and whatnot all over the room.

Bruzinski stopped at the vending machine for a candy bar on the way back to the car.  "Manbat 1, Hookers 0" he said with a mouthful of chocolate, peanuts, and nougat.  He got in his car and drove home.

3 days later, Wayne decided he would spend the weekend at the Mancave.  He knew that he was going to get into the thick of the prostitution ring.  Once Wayne got settled in he grabbed a telephone book and started looking for the cheap motels in the Columbus area.  He made a list of phone numbers and addresses for investigation.

After a few strikeouts, Bruzinski finally found a prostitute at a hotel on the north side of Columbus.  "Hey baby, you looking to get lucky" she said to him before he even had a chance to park the car.  Wayne replied "Are you?".  "Ooooooh" the lady of the night cooed, "Room 12 once you're ready". 

The Manbat ran across the street to a gas station and changed into his costume behind the dumpster and headed back to the motel.  "Room 12, here I come" he said as he mentally psyched himself up for the encounter.

When Bruzinski knocked on the door, the hooker answered and looked at him, puzzled.  He lifted up the mask and feigned a smile at her.  "What the fuck kind of getup is this" she asked him.  "I'm into S&M and shit" Wayne lied.  "You look more like a superhero" she said to him, "Come in and lets get this shit going.  It's 50 to fuck, 100 if you want to do weird shit, which it looks like you do". 

The Dark Vigilante forked over 100 dollars and the prostitute put a blindfold on him.  Suddenly he felt her strap something across his mouth.  He felt the device with his tongue.  The surface was smooth and round, like a ball.  She told Wayne to lay on the bed and he felt something soft and fuzzy around his wrists.  Next thing he knew he was bound to the bed, unable to move around much. 

"I'm just going to take these pants off" she said as she pulled Wayne's pants down.  The Manbat struggled against his bindings.  The hooker started to breath into his ear and let out a little moan.  That was all it took to remind Bruzinski of his mother.  With the strength of 1000 men, The Dark Vigilante snapped out of his bonds.

"YOURUINEDMYLIFE" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he threw the woman of the night off of him.  She slammed to the floor in a heap.  Wayne stood on the bed for a second considering his next move.  The woman looked up at him in terror as he towered above her. 

Then he had an idea.

The Manbat started repeatedly rotating his hand at the wrist in a flourish that ended with him bringing it cupped to his ear.  He did this several times.  With a satisfied look on his face he muttered "The Macho Man from the top rope" and dove onto the woman, dropping a hard elbow to her face.  Wayne immediately pounced on her after the elbow drop connected, pulling a brass knuckle from his belt pouch.  Bruzinski pummeled the woman over and over, shouting "I hate you" with each successive blow.  When the red haze cleared, the woman lay dead and The Manbat was heaving with each breath.  Wayne recovered his $100, left the scene and went home.

This cycle continued for weeks.  Bruzinski would search out cheap motels, find a hooker, and end up killing her when she inevitably reminded him of his mother. 

One night Wayne decided to go out "hookin'", as he called it and he went back to one of the motels he had previously been to.  When he got there, he had no trouble at all finding a prostitute to bust.  The woman told him to come to room 4, so Bruzinski found a place to change into his costume and headed there.

The Manbat knocked on the door 3 times and the hooker opened up the door.  She was really beautiful.  He noticed that she wasn't quite as trashy as some of the other women he had seen recently, but he didn't let that deter him.  This woman was a whore, and he was going to stop that shit tonight.

"Payment up front baby" the woman said, motioning suggestively to our hero.  Wayne pulled out a wad of cash and said "I want it all".  She smiled.  And moaned.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFUCK" The Manbat screamed as he back fisted the hooker off the bed.  "THE MANBAT WILL CLEANSE THE EARTH OF YOUR KIND SUCCUBUS" was his follow up.  Wayne lifted the woman over his head and started to press her up and down like a famous wrestler.  He pushed his arms as high as they would go and dropped the woman to the ground behind him.  As soon as he let go, he whirled around and snatched her up again.  This time putting her into a reverse headlock.  Wayne grabbed the woman's belt and hoisted her up into the air so she was vertical, feet straight up, still maintaining the headlock. 

Suddenly there were 2 loud smashing sounds followed by a bunch of yelling.  "Put the officer down" he heard one of the men say, but it was too late because Bruzinski had already put the suplex into motion.  He landed on the ground on his back but still holding the woman, but she was no longer perpendicular to his body.  Her skull drove into the floor and split wide open as well as the weight of her body snapping her neck at the same time.  Wayne stood up immediately and spun around.  There were law enforcement officers everywhere.  Some were coming out of the bathroom, and others were coming from the front door and the door to the next room.  "Excellent timing officers, and you're welcome" he said with a bow.  "Shut the fuck up and get on the ground right now" one of the men said, training his weapon on The Manbat.  Bruzinski started to take a step forward and said "I am the bat that rules the night..." but he didn't get to finish.  The officer that spoke fired his weapon into Wayne's leg. 

"ASS" he said as he collapsed to the ground, clutching his leg.  "Don't fucking move" the man said to him, as he looked over towards an officer attending to the female Bruzinski had suplexed.  "She's dead Paul" the officer told the man who shot The Manbat.  "You motherfucker" he spat at Wayne.  "Everyone out" he yelled.  The officer that was attending to the woman stopped and whispered to Paul, "No one would blame you if you killed that asshole right now".  That is exactly what he was going to do. 

He pulled Wayne to his feet and stared into his eyes.  "So you are the sick son of a bitch that has been killing people?" he asked Bruzinski.  "The hookers?" The Manbat asked.  "Yeah, and my partner" he quipped back.  "Well, she asked for it.  I am cleaning up these streets because I'm sick and tired of all the fucking trash" Wayne said.  "That isn't your job" Paul said as a tear streaked down his face, "That was my partner, a fellow officer" he finished.  "Did you know she was trickin' on the side?" asked The Manbat.  Paul decked him.  "This was a fucking sting to catch both hookers and Johns you dumb son of a bitch" he said as he pointed his gun at Wayne.  "Tonight we caught the guy responsible for killing all these people" Paul accused.  "And he won't kill again" he said punctuating each syllable with a shot from his weapon. 

Bruzinski lay dead in a pool of his own blood.  The officers on the scene testified that Paul had no other choice than to use deadly force and he was acquitted of any wrong doing in the death of Wayne Bruzinski.  The prostitution ring basically vanished as well because the word got out that a guy in a bat costume was killing prostitutes.  Wayne had done it, but it cost him his life in the process.  It's too bad he won't be remembered as anything other than a sick man.

The Manbat 'Roid Rages

The Manbat Wayne Bruzinski had taken up going to the gym after being beaten by a group of men. The men were graffiti tagging the side of a building and when our hero intervened he got his ass handed to him. Wayne figured he needed to build muscle before he could fight crime the right way.

At the gym Wayne looked for a trainer to help him achieve the type of figure he wanted. The Manbat wanted muscles so big criminals would shit their pants when confronted by him. All the trainers he met demanded an absorbent amount of money and Wayne could not foot the bill.

"Hey buddy, come here." A man said to Wayne.

Wayne walked over to the man. "You wanna get ripped quick? I got some pills that will help and a training program that will have you punching dudes head's off in a month."

This is what Bruzinski wanted to hear. "Yeah, sounds good. What are the pills?" He asked.

"Just a vitamin cocktail with amino acids." The man lied, it was really steroids. The man also set him up with a work out regimen that was guaranteed to build muscles fast. "Take one of those pills every day and you will be ripped big time."

Wayne started right away. Things went slow at first and then he was able to lift more and more weight. In weeks he was beginning to build muscle and the worst attitude ever. He found himself screaming at traffic more and more each day and getting in arguments with costumers at his job. Also just recently a new tenant in his building had started taking his parking place. Wayne had knocked and asked the man to move. The man called him a pussy and slammed the door in his face. This went on every time Wayne came home from work or the gym and the man would not move his car. This did nothing to help with his mood.

Today he was at work and an old woman stood at the counter wanting to play lottery.

"Fill out a card." Wayne told her.

"Can't you just punch the numbers in for me..." She started to say.

"I'll punch your fucking head in if you don't fill out a god damned fucking card! You stupid old whore!" He screamed at her so loud the air pressure in the store changed. "Are you to old to fill in a few little bubbles?"

The woman stared at Wayne with tears in he eyes. "Why are you looking at me like a monkey doing a math problem?" Wayne spat.

The woman rushed from the store and Wayne started to laugh. "Dumb mother fuckers. I hate all these people." He sat back on the counter and flipped through a magazine.

His boss came inside suddenly with a scowl on his face, "Did you yell at that woman?" He asked.

"No Rodney," Wayne explained, "I fucking screamed at her louder than your bitch wife does when I give her the long dong in her butt hole!"

Wayne's boss Rodney grabbed Wayne by his collar and jerked him over the counter and snapped him in a headlock. He drug Wayne to the door and shoved him out. "You're fired and if I see you again I'll beat your fucking guts out and that's a Waynesville guarantee!" His boss shouted.

Wayne stood up and cocked his fist, stepping toward the man. His boss punched him in the eye and Wayne fell on his ass. His boss turned around and went inside locking the door behind him. Wayne brushed himself off and got in his car. He went home for the day to find his parking place taken again. He went upstairs and knocked on the man's door. The man didn't answer.

"Move your fucking car!" Our hero yelled.

"Go fuck yourself!" Came the muffled reply from behind the door.

Wayne turned around and stormed to his apartment and went inside. "I'll show this choad smack what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He crossed to his closet and scooped up a crowbar. He tried to wrestle into his Manbat costume but it wouldn't fit because of his new found muscle mass. Wayne dug out his yoga pants and compression shirt. He donned the old outfit and went outside with crowbar in hand. Wayne moved to the man's car and smashed a headlight out.

"This is what happens when you fuck with the Manbat!" He screamed every time he struck the car. He smashed out the driver window and walked to the hood. He held the crowbar above his head and rammed it into the hood penetrating it a little. Feeling empowered he slammed the crowbar over and over into the front end.

"See what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He cried.

Suddenly the car's owner burst out into the street with a shotgun in his hands. "Stop you fucking lunatic!" He said as he pointed the gun at Wayne.

The Manbat wasted no time and threw the crowbar at the man. It struck him in the neck and the man crumpled to the ground, dropping the shotgun. "Can't believe that worked." Wayne murmured under his breath. He strode over to the man and kicked him flat to the ground and grabbed the gun. He walked over to the car and pumped rounds into the front tire and the passenger window. 'Nice hair trigger." Wayne thought. He moved to the driver side door and flipped the shotgun around in his hands holding it by the barrel. It burnt his hands somewhat but he was to blood crazed to care.

He lifted the gun over his head like a club and screamed, "This is what happens when you fuck the Manbat in the ass!" He brought the gun down on the windshield and it fired into his chest, leaving a bloody hole were once the Manbat symbol was adorned.

Paramedics and police arrived at the scene and rushed Wayne off to the morgue. The man he had hit with the crowbar had suffered a collapsed windpipe but recovered in the hospital. It was deemed that Wayne Bruzinski was an abuser of steroids and had raged out from constant use. The Manbat strikes... Whatever...

Mechanical Failure

The crossbow was all well and good for Wayne's need of a grapnel gun, but in recent days it had become overly cumbersome for every day use. It was too heavy to carry on long scouting missions and it didn't have the conceal-ability he wanted to achieve. Many times he was forced to leave it behind during infiltration training, the Manbat already being to big to fit in most spaces and the weapon making it impossible for movement in air ducts and sewers. Recently Wayne had lost the crossbow out right after getting himself stuck in a storm drain he had wedged himself into. It took him two days to retrieve the weapon and he had spent a couple days at home after coming down with dysentery. He spent those days shitting himself and vomiting blood before the antibiotics finally purged the pathogen.

Wayne Bruzinski had come against a brick wall in terms of a solution to the grapnel gun. He was begining to think such things were impossible, a daydream of comic writers. He was about to give up when he tossed his crossbow in the closet and his paintball gun fell out. "Oh, fuck yeah, fuck fuckity fuck yeah!" He picked it up and laughed like a giddy school child with a sugar rush. It was light weight and was easily held in one hand. It could be concealed after a few modifications and wouldn't hinder movement like the bow. 

So, first things first, Wayne moved the air compressor canister to the top of the gun to cut down the length. Then he cold welded a barrel with a wider opening to the original barrel after cutting that down. He capped of the opening for the paint ball hopper as it wasn't needed any more. After some research on the internet Wayne discovered his existing grapnel hook would be to big for firing from the device. He went to his buddy Jason's house to have him make a smaller hook.

Everything was finally in place and Wayne was putting the finishing touches on his new grapnel gun (You know, bad ass black and yellow paint and a Manbat symbol) before test fire. He slid the new grapnel in the barrel, this one weighing in at the four pounds needed to fire long distances. Wayne was at home and had drug in a piece of a tree trunk that had been removed from behind the building as a target. He took aim at the wood more or less with a lack of scope and pulled the trigger. The air shot out and the hook just kind of fell to the floor about four inches away. "Back to the damn drawing board." Wayne complained.

After wrapping the hook in foam Wayne wedged the thing back in place. It was a tight fit and he was sure after the force exerted to put it in place it would give him a better shot. He looked at the gun and figured he needed some type of scope, so being the handy man he is, Wayne made a crude scope by bending a coat hanger into a loop. This is what the blue print for the scope looked like:

He used tooth picks for cross hairs and fastened it to the air tank with zip ties. So he was ready. He took aim, raising the scope to his face and aiming at the wood once again and congratulated himself on his little invention. He pulled the trigger and the tank exploded because of the choked off barrel. The sight shot straight back into his eye, penetrating his brain and killing him almost instantly. It wasn't until Wayne's landlord was forced to enter the apartment after he hadn't paid his rent for so long that his body was found.

Breaking News!

Authorities in Dayton have found a man dead in an alley between two buildings. Little is known about the man's identity and authorities have announced the man was found wearing a suit with a hood that had ears like a famous super hero. A snapped laundry line was found dangling from two building where it had been tied off. The building had a crossbow bolt fired into it and the line was hanging from the bolt.

Also found on scene was a crossbow on a roof top and a long painters pole which police believe was used by the man for ballast while attempting to tight rope walk. The police are trying to determine if this was an attempt at a daring stunt, or a drug infused act of stupidity.

Police are asking if anyone knows the owner of a Ford LTD painted with bat symbols. If anyone has any information on who this man is please respond to this post. We will keep you updated when we receive more info.


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Not only is the an awesome picture, but it makes one hell of a spray tag for Counter-Strike.

The Manbat Goes Pro

Wayne knew his art skills weren't all that.  He needed a new logo for his Manbat suit 3.0...

He asked around to some of his friends that he knew could do computers good to see if they could help him learn to be proficient enough with an art program to make a logo that was better than the shitty one he made in 5 minutes. 

Wayne got some training from his buddy Jimmy, who was an artist in every sense of the word.  He could draw, he could color, and he also played in a band called "Positive Procedure".  Jimmy was kind of a douche and thought that he knew everything about everything, but he was The Manbat's best chance in this case.

After a few weeks of learning a free art program, Wayne was ready to both make a logo, and kill Jimmy.  The guy was insufferable.  "Fuck it" he thought to himself.  He shook Jimmy's hand and headed to the car.

The drive home felt like forever, but Bruzinski kept himself entertained with fantasies about how he would have a new suit and a whole new outlook on crime fighting.  He was going to turn this into a motherfucking brand.  The thought had even crossed his mind to register for a start up project on the internet so people could give him money to make all his awesome shit.  "I will be the CEO of Manbat LLC" he said to himself, "Who knows where this could lead, maybe I'll start my own League of Heroes". 

The caped vigilante pulled up to his house and excitedly ran inside.  He turned on the computer and started singing while he waited for it to boot up.

"Manbat, Manbat, he's the motherfuckin' Manbat.  Manbat, Manbat, bad guys go kersplat".

Finally the computer had loaded to the desktop.  Bruzinski fired up his free art program and did all the things that Jimmy had shown him.  Here's what he came up with.

That was going to look tits on his new costume.  Wayne was getting a quarter chub just thinking about it.  He immediately opened up an internet merchandising store and made Manbat mouse pads, coffee mugs, shirts, hats, etc.  "They say the Manbat is a motherfuckin' pimp" he said as he proceeded to order one of everything from his own store.  Bruzinski spent $174.76 on his own swag.

The next morning he logged in to his online store.  There was a message saying "you have money waiting in your account".  He clicked on a series of links to navigate to the "accept payment" page.  There was an amount of $934.16 waiting for him.  "WOW!" he exclaimed as he hit the "bank transfer" button.  He was going to spend that money purely on Manbat LLC.

About a month and $7000 dollars later, Bruzinski received a message on his online store.  It was a cease and desist order from the popular movie studio that made movies and merchandise for a certain bat superhero.  They said that the image he was using was too close to one of their trademarked logos and that he had to take all merchandise down within 24 hours to avoid consequences.

Wayne typed a reply email to them that looked like this;

------------------------------------

Dear (REDACTED),

I am corresponding to your order to cease and desist the sale of my Manbat line of products.  It has come to my attention that our logos seem to be similar, but I am sure there is a way that we can work through this.

I will continue to sell my merchandise and you will get over it.  If not I will stomp your guts out of your fucking asshole like a tube of toothpaste.

Fuck with me, I dare you.

Eat my shit,

Wayne Beauregard Bruzinski

P.S.  I am the bat that rules the night.

P.P.S.  I am the bat that fights for what's right.

P.P.S.S.  I will fuck you up like a god damned accident.

--------------------------------------------------------

2 days later Bruzinski got a call from the lawyers of the company.  They were travelling to Dayton to meet with another client and they told him that they would like to meet with him to give him one last chance to pull his product line.  Wayne agreed to the meeting but told them they had to meet him on his terms.  He gave them an address in Chillicothe and told them to come alone.

The meeting was in 2 days.  The Manbat had to set the stage.  This was going to be a sweet symphony.  A symphony of blood and death.

The night of the meeting was upon him.  Wayne was at his training camp, the address for which he gave the lawyers.  He had all his fail safes in place.  These guys were going to know the full fury of The Caped Vigilante.  He started to fantasize about the meeting.  "I'm fucking brilliant" he shouted into the rafters.  Just then he heard the crunching of gravel under tires.

The Manbat grabbed his supplies and headed for higher ground.  He left the door to the "lobby" open for the men.  Inside there was a puzzle for them to solve involving the key to the next door.  That would keep them occupied long enough for him to complete phase 1.  Once he was on the roof, Bruzinski picked up his crossbow and shot the two tires out facing him on the lawyers car.  "Phase one complete" he reported to himself, "on to phase two". 

The Caped Vigilante entered his secret roof hatch with enough time to grab a bag of peanuts so he could enjoy the show.  A couple of moments later the door opened an the first lawyer, a man of average height and build, walked through.  "OH MY FUCKING GOD" the other man exclaimed as he watched his partner's head explode off of his shoulders in a mass of bloody gore.  Wayne had rigged a pressure plate that caused two logs bound with rope, to release simultaneously.  The logs met together in the middle of their swing, crushing the man's head with so much force that it showered over the room.  As the logs swung down they activated another trap which slid a large metal plate over the exit door, trapping the remaining man inside the warehouse.

What happened next was not exactly what Wayne had foreseen.  The remaining man walked about 10 steps into the warehouse and collapsed.  Laying on the floor he pulled out his wallet.  He flipped through some papers and produced a picture of his family.  The man curled up into the fetal position and cried his wife and daughter's names over and over.

Then Wayne was standing over him.

"GET UP" he yelled at the lawyer.  All the man could do is shiver and cry incoherently.  The Manbat helped him to his feet by grabbing his hair and yanking him up.  "What's your name asshole" he shouted at the lawyer.  "Chad" he sniveled.  "Well Chad, welcome to my world" Wayne said as he grasped his cape with both hands and flourished it.

Bruzinski marched Chad into an area that had a single barber's chair.  He tied him to the seat with some black nylon rope.  When the man was finally secure, Wayne started to think about what to say to him.  For a long time he just stared at him.  Finally The Manbat approached him.  He grabbed the man by the collar, pressing his face in close and screaming with a guttural voice "WHY YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?".  Chad instantly shat himself, but said nothing.  Wayne repeated himself two more times in the same tone of voice.  With resignation, Chad said "I'm not trying to kill you", but he could barely get the words to come out. 

The Manbat whirled around and stormed off.  He got about 4 paces away when he turned on the man, rushing back in on him and grabbing him up.  Wayne held him there for 2 seconds and yelled in the same guttural voice "WHERE IS HE" over and over again until the lawyer was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.  Somehow he managed to say "Who?".  Bruzinski had heard enough.  He spun a full 360 and backfisted the man right in the jaw.  Chad spat a broken molar to the ground and sobbed. 

Wayne kept Chad in the warehouse the entire weekend, torturing him at random.  Finally, on Sunday afternoon, he let him out of his bindings.  "Choose, choose and perish" he said to him.  "I don't understand" Chad replied.  "There are 3 exit doors, two are booby trapped and one isn't" Wayne lied.  All 3 were trapped.  "I see" said the weary man.  "So if I pick the right door I can go free?" he asked.  Bruzinski nodded.  The man examined all three doors, scrutinizing each of them fully before choosing. 

"I choose the middle door" he said to Wayne.  The Manbat started to cackle maniacally.  "You chose.......... poorly" he said in his best old English accent.  "Very well, walk through the door" Bruzinski chided.  Chad started for the door, but stumbled and fell over before he got there.  "Get up" The Caped Vigilante screamed.  "I need help up" Chad said weakly, "I haven't eaten in a few days".  "Fine" Wayne replied as he walked over and helped the man up.  "I've got it from here" Chad said and walked to the door, glancing over his shoulder at The Manbat as he went.  When he reached the door, he grasped the handle and pulled the door open.

Chad walked through the door, but the trap was already set into motion.  However, instead of falling through the window, the steel beam Wayne had balanced in place fell backwards.  This particular door could open both ways, in or out.  If Chad had swung it out, the beam would have crashed through the window and crushed him to the dirt.  But since he swung the door inward, the beam fell to the inside of the building, and it fell towards the Manbat.  Bruzinski tried to dive out of the way but the I beam fell on his right leg, shattering it to pieces.  Wayne lay there in agonizing pain and cried for Chad to help him.

Day was just starting to break as Chad contemplated what he should do about the situation.  He walked back into the warehouse and approached the man in the bat suit.  "Please help me" Bruzinski begged.  So Chad lifted the I beam off of his crushed leg.  Then the beam "accidently slipped" out of his hands and landed back on The Manbat's crushed leg.  Chad had never heard a human being scream like that in his life.  He actually started to feel bad for the man dressed as a bat. 

Then he remembered all the torture.

Chad suddenly snapped and his eyes went dark.  He picked up the beam and discarded it to the side.  He yanked Bruzinski's mask off and then pulled him off the ground by his hair.  The lawyer dragged Wayne over to the barber's chair, securing him in with the same black rope he had been bound with just a half hour earlier.  Wayne started to speak but Chad cut him off, screaming in a guttural voice "WHY DID YOU TRY TO KILL ME?".  The Manbat broke down crying. 

Chad took the tool belt off of Bruzinski.  He rifled through the pouches until he found a retractable baton.  Extending it, he stared an unblinking stare at his adversary.  After many minutes passed, Wayne started to speak again.  As soon as the first syllable escaped his lips, Chad pounced on him.  He beat Bruzinski with the baton until all strength had fled his body.  The Manbat had been dead for 20 minutes before the beating stopped.  Chad collapsed to the floor and slept for 9 hours.

He awoke later that day and saw the corpse of Wayne Bruzinski still sitting in the chair.  Wild eyed the lawyer searched the man and found a set of keys, a brass knuckle, and a survival knife.  He walked out of the building, only to find that his car had two flat tires.  He looked at the keys in his hand.  They said "Ford" on them.  Chad walked over to the LTD and tried the key in the ignition.  The Manbatmobile roared to life and carried him to safety.  The lawyer drove immediately to the police department and reported the occurrence.  He was cleared of all charges after the police did a thorough investigation.

Customer Service Manbat Style

Wayne Bruzinski had spent the night at his friend Jason's house drinking and playing video games. He drank one too many and awoke the next day with a raging hangover. He stumbled through the kitchen and Jason offered him a little hair of the dog. Wayne slammed a shot of whiskey and headed out to his Manbatmobile. On the way home Wayne stopped at a small convenience store to get something to drink.

Wayne went inside and got a sports drink and a hotdog from the roller grill. He loaded it with chili and relish as he looked at the blonde behind the counter. "Bat woody." He mused to himself as he drizzled ketchup on his dog.

The woman behind the counter was ringing up lottery tickets for a man when he became irate.

"No these numbers are all wrong. I said 5-1-3. Are you fucking stupid?" The man went on and on waving the tickets in the clerks face.

Wayne was at this point behind the man and he was annoyed by all the yelling. His head still throbbed from the hangover and Wayne just wanted to eat his dog and go to bed. "Hey man, just shut up and pay for your shit." Wayne said.

"What..." The man turned around. "Fuck you, you god damned little punk!" The man said.

"Fuck yourself!" Wayne replied. The two got in a shouting match as the clerk and costumers watched in shock.

"You need to leave or I'm calling the cops!" the clerk told the two arguing men. She dialed the phone as the man told her to "Go ahead and call the cops."

Bruzinski had had enough, he was hungover and this old man was pissing him off. He stormed to the door and set his stuff down on a 30 pack beer display next to the door. He walked out to get in his car, "Who the fuck does that guy think he is. I'm the fucking Manbat, I don't need to take this bullshit." He said to himself as he walked to the car and got inside.

"I'm gonna show this prick what's what. Talk to me like that, you get your ass beat!" He grumbled as he rummaged around for his gym bag.

He pulled the Manbat suit from bag and did his best to put it on. The store was full of people inside and out and many laughed when they saw this man changing in his car. Wayne could care less as he went over a plan in his head. Someone walked by and snapped a picture of Wayne changing in the car. Undeterred, Wayne donned the suit and stalked to the door. An old man was walking up and took a double take at the Manbat.

"Never fear citizen, Justice is afoot." The Manbat said.

"Oh hell no!" The old man said as he turned and stormed away throwing his hands up and muttering about crack heads.

The Manbat flung the door open and stepped inside laying a hand on a thirty pack of beer.  People gasped as Wayne yelled "Hey asshole, are you thirsty!" He lunged forward with 30 pack in hand and took two strides before swinging the beer at the man. His swing came east to west, a wild hay-maker that connected with the man's head. The case exploded, beers shooting out everywhere, a fine mist of the drink spraying in all directions. One can smashed the clerk in the mouth, knocking out her teeth. The Manbat swung so hard he fell atop the man and his cape flipped up over his head. Wayne rolled to his feet and tossed his cape out of his face. He glanced about, hands on hips trying to look heroic. "Did that sate your thirssssst...Oh fuck!"

All the people in the store were crouching on the ground with their hands over their heads. The man on the floor was bleeding from his ears and nose. The side of his face swelled up so bad he looked like the hunch back of Notre Dam. The woman behind the counter held her bloody mouth, Wayne saw teeth on the counter. "I'm outta here."

The Manbat fled the scene as he heard sirens grow closer. He remembered suddenly the clerk called the cops. He was pulled over before making it home and arrested. He was brought up on charges of assault, attempted robbery and driving while intoxicated. Tox reports indeed backed up the DUI charge as well as the beer soaked uniform Wayne was wearing during the arrest. Worst of all Wayne was sentenced to life in prison when the man he hit died from internal brain hemorrhaging. All fear the Manbat!

The Manbat Shows Off

Downtown Columbus was bursting with people one night as our favorite hero stalked the alley ways ever vigilante for crime. Trouble had found him in the form of some local middle school kids. The group had wandered upon the Manbat and had a time of it.

"You suppose to be a ninja or something? "One kid asked.

"No. I am the Manbat." Wayne replied.

"You look gay in all that plastic." Another kid taunted.

"It's vinyl and I look fucking awesome." Wayne said, getting frustrated.

"Look like a gimp suit. You waiting for Zed or what?" Another smart mouth kid blurted.

"I'm the Manbat!" Wayne shouted as he pulled the grapnel hook from under his cape. He threw it up to the fire escape over head and it missed, sailing back to the ground. He tried again and found purchase. The Manbat hauled himself hand over hand a couple times before the rope snapped and he fell back to the concrete. He composed himself amidst the laughing boys, trying to look imposing.

"That line's been through hell, I busted like twenty dudes yesterday." He lied.

"Man this shit is good, I'm gonna put this shit on yew-toob." One boy said as he filmed the Manbat's antics on a cell phone.

"Good!" Wayne said turning on the boy. He put his face to the camera, "I'm the Manbat, criminals beware, you will feel the wraith of justice!" Spittle flew from his mouth as he spoke.

"You do this?" One boy asked as he ran to a wall and jumped, planting his feet on it's surface and propelling himself into a back flip. The boy landed on his feet as the other kids cheered.

"Yeah, I do that all the time!" Lying is bad. "That's like first year shit, I jumped over a dude like that and snapped his neck. Dude was like 'Arrrgh,' You should have been there!" Wayne flourished his story with a few karate chops and a spin kick that made him trip over his cape. "Damn, new cape, not used to it yet." The boys booed him and dared him to flip off the wall. "Okay fine!" Wayne said.

"Can't wait to upload this shit!" The boy with the camera said.

Wayne climbed atop a row of dumpsters in the alley. Not to be outdone by the kid he decided to jump from there and flip down to the alley. Wayne had tried this same thing many times at his training camp, he always hit his head. He figured the extra height would fix that.

"Upload this." Wayne murmured as he flipped off the camera.

"Go bro, YOLO!" The boy with the camera yelped.

"Fuck you kid!" Manbat screamed ready to throttle the little shit.

"Alright psycho, just do it." One of the kids yelled.

'Fuck it.' Wayne thought. He raced across the dumpsters and leapt from the last one to the wall, his left foot made contact and he shoved himself backward and he fell back head first. He hit the ground and the impact snapped his neck as well as fracture his skiull. The boy with the camera filmed the whole thing and ran from the alley screaming "Oh my God! Oh my God! A gay dude in a gimp suit just fell and broke his neck!"

Sadly the Manbat died but the yew-toob video "OMG! Gay in Gimp Suit Breaks Neck" went viral and the Manbat finally got the fame he so lusted after.

The Manbat: Incendiary Antics

Wayne sat eating a bowl of cereal in front of the computer. He had just finished his morning work out after getting up at 3 p.m. He sat down and checked his e-mail, searching through his newest updates on yew-toob. He found a video of a man with a Russian accent talking about several forms of self defense that used weapons or "gadgets" compared to hand to hand. The man showed how to use your keys while punching and how dangerous a mop becomes when you fasten a knife to the end and make a spear. The last thing that caught Wayne's eye was a small incendiary device that you can use to distort attackers and cause minimal to fatal damage. "These are highly illegal," The man said. "You can't buy them in this country."

"Bullshit!" Wayne yelled as froot-loops shot from his mouth. He choked on the cereal when he yelled and his face turned a little red as he coughed up the cereal. "I'll follow my foot to your fucking neck." Wayne sputtered, flipping the bird to the box of cereal that lay next to his laptop. "You god damned little pelican bastard!"

Wayne wouldn't let something as simple as a legal matter stop him. Oh no, he would simply figure it out himself, it would be a blast! He toyed with a few ideas, eventually making what amounted to a match stick bomb with a clever "Pull-pin" design. The Manbat never reveals his secrets, so to quote Nick Frost, JOG ON! The Manbat was ready to test his invention. He walked to the window of his apartment and opened it. He lifted the incendiary in his hands and yanked the pull-pin. He threw the device immediately out the window and watched as it flew out to the street and landed in the open window of his Ford Focus Wagon. His LTD was dead at his training camp, causing him to use the Ford more and more in his Manbat endeavors. He remembered that day well, he had heard you could burn grease from fast food places as a form of fuel in your car. He, however, did not know your engine had to be modified. So when Wayne dumped the juice of a thousand frying cows in the gas tank he found to his dismay, it just fucked up his car. Any way, the incendiary burnt his car to a crisp and Wayne had to run out and hit it with the hose before it got bad. The steering wheel had melted into a ball of slag.

"Nothing stops the Manbat!" Wayne's mouth ejaculated as he dragged an old ten speed up the basement steps of his apartment complex. He strapped his gym bag carrying his new toys and Manbat suit over his shoulder and set out. It would be too far for Wayne to ride to his  training ground so he opted to use the woods behind the local church. It was closed off and most people never went there since the park got remodeled. Plus it had a stream and he figured a natural, unending source of water would be a good idea. Wayne fancied the notion of making this place his temporary ground while he fixed his cars. He found a nice clearing by the creek and took out his Manbat costume from his gym bag. Wayne had about two dozen incendiaries left and he was determined to perfect his aim and proficiency with the bombs. He changed into the suit and got ready to test a few over the water. He let a couple land in the water before igniting, resulting in nothing. He threw two more and got a feel for the cook time.

"I needs me some targets." The Manbat mused as he looked around. Wayne had come prepared. He had also stashed in his bag some rope, a knife and three cheap foam dart boards he had stuck pictures of popular comic villains on. He spent about an hour strapping the targets to trees. He made a small obstacle course he could run through while taking aim at targets. He imagined himself running through a riot somewhere. Handing out upper cuts and using the incendiaries to stop crowds in their tracks. The Manbat was done dreaming, it was time for action. Wayne popped the remaining incendiaries into his belt. Yeah, he made his belt all cool like that. Everything the Manbat had needed to be all sweet and he had made loops on his belt from Velcro. One device was hard to slip in because none of the loops were uniform. Wayne jammed that sucker in there though.

"Alright, everyone comfy?" Wayne said as he adjusted his cape.

"I am the Manbat!" Wayne shouted as he ran toward his first obstacle. He had to jump a log and he whiffed it, falling on his face. This went on for a while, Wayne running through again and again, sometimes throwing the bombs and never coming close to the targets. At least he didn't burn the woods down.

Wayne took stock of his new gadgets while he took a break and chugged down a soda. He had three left.

"Damn." He cursed. "I'll just change up the game." He smiled at the thought.

Wayne moved his targets farther apart (but more importantly away from the water) so he could just run from tree to tree and stop before throwing his last bombs. He readied himself and ran to his targets. The first he missed and the second he hit but not after fumbling with his belt. 'Should have fixed that loop.' He thought as he ran to his last target. Wayne stopped and reached under his cape and yanked the incendiary hard, pulling it free. When the Manbat brought his hand up he was only holding the pull-pin and he looked around on the ground for the bomb. Suddenly he felt intense heat on his back. His pants caught fire and so did his cape. He quickly ripped the cape from his shoulders and reached down to yank the pants and drawers off his roasting ass. Wayne found his arms also cuaght fire and he waved them around as he ran off toward the church.

He exited the woods as the flames crawled from his fore arms to his shoulders. Wayne sprinted across the small yard to the church, doing his best Bay Watch beach run with his manhood flopping everywhere. He burst through the double door with one goal in mind. The baptism fountain. Unfortunately for Wayne, the church was in the middle of a baptism and he splashed into the pool literally in front of God and everyone. He splashed around screaming "Oh fuck!" and "God damn it!"  Wayne stood up spitting water and shaking with pain. He looked at all the people around him. Tonight a woman in her sixties was being baptized and she invited all her bridge club friends.

Wayne tried to hide his manbat-hood and stepped out of the pool. He slipped and hit his head, knocking him out cold. The people could only stare in shock at this man who just ran in with his arms ablaze. The police showed up with the paramedics and Wayne was charged with reckless endangerment as well as arson and public nudity. The worst part by far is when the doctors had to graph skin from his Manbat ass on his fore arms due to third degree burns. His friend Jason called him "stink arms" for the rest of his life. Wayne Bruzinski was sentenced to six months in jail after leaving the hospital.

The Manbat Stops a Car Thief

Wayne Bruzinski yanked his break away track pants off as fast as he could. He had been walking home from work and witnessed a man breaking the window from a car and stealing its radio and a few other items. What luck to find a crime on his way home, even better luck he had worn the Manbat suit under his clothing for a quick change. Who knew the break down of his Manbatmobile would award him such a chance.

Wayne followed the man a couple blocks until the thief reached another vehicle. This time the man broke the window and climbed inside. The Manbat looked around and saw a bridge over the road. "He'll have to pass under this to drive away. I'll wait on top and jump down on his car as he passes. When he stops I'll pull him out of the car and hold him until police arrive." Wayne worked out his plan as the man tried to hot wire the car.

Bruzinski got on the bridge in time to see the man pass beneath. "Fuck!" Wayne said. The light down the road was red and it was a major intersection Wayne had crossed many times in his travel to work. This would afford him a few moments to catch the man stuck at the light. A large package delivery truck came up the road towards the bridge. A great idea popped into our hero's head. He would jump onto the truck as it passed and ride it to the light, catching the criminal and becoming the hero he knew he was born to be. So Wayne psyched himself up, punching the air and screaming "I am the Manbat!" He jumped from the bridge and missed the truck completely. He snapped his leg on impact and didn't have enough time to cry out before another car slammed into him. The car veered over and slammed another car heading the opposite way.

A total of four cars wrecked because of Wayne, killing the would-be hero and three drivers. It was concluded that Wayne was suicidal and had jumped from the bridge into traffic. The Manbat strikes again!

The Manbat Returns a Cell Phone

"Reports of robbery in the park have authorities looking for a masked man." The local news report said as Wayne watched. Life had been slow as the Manbat lately and this was just the chance he needed to prove himself to the world. So Wayne left his house for the local park in hopes of catching a criminal. Wayne spied a large bush in which he could conceal himself while on vigil. Nestled in his bush, Bruzinski set his gym bag down and opened it up so he would have fast access to his Manbat suit. He watched for awhile as people walked in and out of the park. He saw some kids playing and teenagers making out and stuff but no criminals. It was late august and still hot as the sun began to set. Wayne was sweating a lot and took his shirt and pants off. Our hero had made it a habit to wear gym shorts under his clothing for when the Manbat suit was ready to be donned.

A man sat down at a bench not more than ten feet away. He took some food out of a bag and began to eat. "I'm hungry as fuck, should have packed some batsnacks." Wayne whispered. "I'll need to make some changes to my belt, make a burrito pocket or something."

The man finished eating as Wayne sat sweltering. He threw away his trash and started to leave the park. Wayne noticed the man had left his cell phone on the bench. He figured he would return the phone, but was afraid to reveal his hiding spot. After a second he decided he would put on his costume and return the phone. The Manbat, now fully dressed in his suit, leapt from the bushes and grabbed up the cell phone. He jogged after the man.

'Wait,' Wayne thought. 'I'll sneak up on him and return the phone and I'll be all mysterious and people will know that in the dark their is an avenger ready to fight for you.' He played the scenarios out in his head: all of them awesome and ending with the man being grateful and spreading the word of the mysterious Manbat.

The Manbat closed on his target, slightly crouching, and reached a hand out to tap the man on the back. The man whirled around and saw Wayne, mask over his face and holding the man's cell phone "I am the Manba..." The man struck at Wayne's stomach and pain shot through our heroes belly. Bruzinski looked down to see the man withdraw a large knife from his guts. The man stabbed at him more and more as Wayne screamed in pain.

"Think you can steal my phone mother fucker!" The man yelled.

Wayne doubled over in pain and the man struck out again, catching the Manbat in the throat. Wayne bled out and when authorities arrived it was found that the man was defending himself from a mugger and was hailed as a hero. It was believed Wayne was the masked mugger lurking in the park.

A Knock Out Gas!

The Manbat (Wayne Bruzinski) stalked the alleyways of Dayton, looking for crime. He had recently heard reports of public defacing and damaging of public property in the area. Wayne decided it was time for the trash in Dayton to be taken out and he was the just the Manbat for the job. Wayne had spent the better part of the evening and night roaming around the downtown area, ever vigilant in his watch for crime. (This, however, is bullshit. Wayne changed at least a dozen times to purchase soda from stores and eat at Taco Bell.)

Earlier that week Wayne had got an idea from an old Bat Man comic in which a villain had used an ether soaked rag to knock out his victim. After searching on the internet Bruzinski acquired the chemicals he needed and made a rag from an old black handkerchief. In his awesomeness Wayne had airbrushed his Manbat symbol on the cloth so it would match his outfit. He would use his new Batrag to take down this defacer of public property.

A patron in one of the nearby bars was kicked out for being an asshole. The man walked into the alley and began to throw around trash cans and he even punched a no parking sign into a nice taco shape. The Manbat witnessed this from afar, "This it it, the man responsible for all the destruction." Wayne whispered to no one. "It's time for the Manbat to take action." Wayne noticed the man was of considerable build compared to his meager figure. 'Glad I got my nighty-night juice." He thought.

Wayne stole his way through the alley and crept up behind the man, who was now enamored with beating a chair to death. Wayne jumped on the man's back after pouring the "sleep" solution in the Batrag. He landed on the man but dropped the rag as he tried to keep a grip on the man's brawny shoulders. The man elbowed Wayne hard and our hero fell to his back. What followed was one of the worst beatings Wayne ever received. His wrist broken and maybe a rib or two, the Manbat slunk back to his Manbatmobile and drove back to the Mancave.

Back at the Mancave Wayne decided he would needs to figure out a way to make knock out gas. It would be far easier to throw it like a bomb rather than get in someone's face. Bruzinski researched several ideas and found a few home brew recipes for sleep or knock out gas. He finally made a bomb from an old tennis ball jar. The jar was filled with two chemicals that, when mixed, will create a cloud and it has the effect to knock people unconscious. Wayne was proud of himself and got to work right a way making holders for the bombs on his belt. Fully suited up the Manbat admired himself in a mirror.

"I am so bad ass. Next mother fucker that thinks he can throw around the Manbat will be surprised!" Wayne yelled at his mirror holding up his newly made bomb.

It was finally, after healing from his beating, it was time to test his creation, so Wayne went out to the old LTD he called the Manbatmobile and piled inside. He couldn't sit with the bombs on his belt so he stowed the jars in the gym bag he carried his suit in and dropped it in the passenger seat. The car revved up and Wayne pulled out of the driveway headed for the highway. "Here I come Dayton, it's time for crime to take a rest!" He yelled.

Wayne was all hopped up in anticipation of his new toy. He drove onto the highway when his new favorite rap song came on the radio. Wayne started drumming on his steering wheel and dashboard, using his gym bag for the bass hits. He sang along changing the lyrics.

"I am the Manbat. I'll take your head and slam that! If you pull a piece, I break your wrist and take your Gat! I'm be the villain trap, getting all the pussy with this hero crap! When I roll on patrol you never see me pass. Cuase yo' pussy ass be sleepin' from my knock out gas!" Wayne slammed his hand on the gym bag as he said gas, breaking the knock out bomb open. The car began to fill with a thick white cloud.

Wayne put his head back with his eyes closed and screamed, "I am the Manbat..." It was choked off as the gas struck him. Wayne had successfully made CS gas, a strong chemical police and the army used for riot situations. The "bomb" did not make Wayne pass out but his eyes teared up and he choked on his spit. Snout ran from his nose as he vomited down the front of his Manbat costume. He couldn't see through the windshield because of the cloud, but that didn't matter anyway, his eyes stung so bad. He veered the car into oncoming traffic and slammed head on into a semi truck. He was killed instantly.

The Manbat Gets Bulletproof

Wayne Bruzinski had been doing some research about upgrading his suit.  The objective here was to incorporate some bulletproofing into it.  He had found a site online that sold a hybrid Ceramic/Kevlar panel that would fit his needs.

A few weeks later he had finally bought enough of the panels to bulletproof the entire chest and abdominal area of his suit.  He experimented with several ways to attach it before he settled on the best one.  Of course he had to do it himself because no one could know that he is The Manbat.

Once he had it all settled, Bruzinski took the suit out to the middle of the country along with a mannequin torso he had appropriated from a dumpster behind the Dayton Mall.  He put the new bulletproof top onto the mannequin and walked about 10 feet away from it.  Wayne pulled out his yellow and black Glock and took aim at the dummy.  He fired a round into it.  Upon inspection he noticed that it had stopped the bullet cold.  Bruzinski backed up and emptied the clip into it. 

"Shit yeah" he said happily.  He pulled the suit top off the mannequin and held it up to inspect it.  There were a few scuffs on it, but otherwise it was intact. 

"Well now for the real test" he said with determination. 

Wayne donned the whole suit and headed out into the field.  "Corn this year", he remarked as he found a spot where the vegetable hadn't grown too high yet.  He pulled his Glock out of it's utility belt holster and held it up to his chest.  "1, 2, ...3" he said and then chickened out on pulling the trigger.  The vest could take a shot from a distance, but he had to know that it could take one point blank. 

"Don't be a pussy" he said out loud as he slapped himself in the face repeatedly.  He pointed the gun at himself as least awkwardly as he could and counted again.  "1, 2, ......................3" and he pulled the trigger.  Blackness overtook him.

Wayne's body was picked clean by turkey vultures and his bones left undiscovered in the corn field until the harvest.  A local farmer found what was left of his body and called police.  Upon further inspection it was deduced that the man had accidently shot himself in the head.  When Wayne pulled the trigger, he was holding the gun at a weird angle.  The bullet skipped right off the ceramic panel and flew up in under his chin, effectively blowing his brains out.  The corn grew up around his dead body, hiding it for months.

The Manbat Commissions a Custom Weapon

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Street Saftey

Manbat (Wayne Bruzinski) scoured the alleyways of Columbus, just waiting for a crime to commence. Wayne practiced his fighting moves, karate chopping the air and occasionally unsuccessfully tried to jump kick the trash cans.Wayne had made it a habit to wear a large hooded sweatshirt over his costume and a pair of break away track pants.

Suddenly from the street the Manbat heard someone yelling for help. He struck out from the alley and looked up and down the street, a man was being chased by another. The man in front crying for help and the other yelling "stop" and "I'll take care of you!"

The Manbat knew it was time to act. He darted into the cross walk pulling his mask over his head. He tripped as he tried to pry his pants off. As he lay on the ground the man crying for help jumped over him followed by his pursuer that ran around the Manbat. Wayne freed himself of his pants and rose to his feet discarding the sweatshirt. The shirt hung up on his mask and Bruzinski ran face first into a telephone pole. Finally he threw the sweater down and felt his face, his tooth was chipped and his nose and mouth were bleeding.Undaunted and without delay Manbat took off at a dead sprint in pursuit of the pair. 'Oh man, this is it, Columbus, feel my justice.' Wayne thought to himself. His PVC cape flowed out behind him as he ran. 'I look so fucking awesome right now!' He grinned his bloody grin as the thought spurred him on. 'These people are gonna love me.'

The Manbat began to gain on the tailing man as he slowed at the corner. "I am the Bat!" Wayne screamed as he dove at his target. The man turned around just in time to see our masked hero flying at him. "What the fuck...." The man managed to gasp as Manbat tackled him into the street.

Just then a large city bus came around the corner and nailed Manbat and his prey, killing both instantly. Onlookers screamed at the grisly scene and the rescue workers showed up accordingly.

The man Wayne had tackled and subsequently killed was a nurse of mental patients. He was on a house call to help a family with their son who was on anti-psychotics. The patient had been refusing for days to take his medication. He had from an early age wanted to kill his father and upon escape was on his way to do just that. Not only did Manbat kill the nurse who was only doing his job, the man off his meds reached his fathers house and assaulted him before authorities were forced to shoot the man. The Manbat Strikes Again!

Crossbow Capers: Manbat Finally Gets a Grapple Gun

The Manbat Wayne Bruzinski sat at his laptop at the Man cave surfing through videos on U-toob. One in particular was of interest to the would be crime fighter. A local hunter had made many videos involving crossbows. In one video the hunter had attached a steel cable to a bolt and used it to drag a large deer uphill after scoring a killing hit on the beast. "As any good hunter knows: If you hit a deer and it doesn't die from the impact it will run a short while before succumbing to injury. And the path of least resistance will be taken. In example: down hill, every time." The man in the video explained. He went on tell about how he would use the steel cable in such an event as hunting in the hills. It made it easier to bring the large animal back up the hill, using a winch compared to just dragging it by hand.

"Oh snap. I gottta get a cross bow!" Wayne began to search the internet for one when he came across and ad for a gun and knife show. It was three weeks away, giving our hero plenty of time to save up for the weapon. Wayne would use this crossbow and steel cable combo as a means around the grapple gun quandary. Surely if the device could hold a 250 lbs deer it would have no problem letting the Manbat climb buildings or repel down structures. He could only speculate about how awesome it would be to have this, letting him really get the drop on crime.

Weeks later Wayne went to the gun show and found a man selling crossbows. "This beauty here is all you need. Got enough torque to bring down anything you aim at." The man promised.

"How will it penetrate surfaces such as brick or metal?" Wayne asked.

The man looked at Wayne quizzically.

"Uh, I want to know what to use during target practice. So I don't kill my neighbor or loose an arrow." Wayne explained.

"It's called a bolt, jack ass, and this baby will shoot hard enough to penetrate brick and sheet metal. You'd be best served to use a dirt hill as a back drop when target shooting." The greasy man told Wayne.

Bruzinski, with stars in his eyes and a grin he could not hide, forked over his last couple of weeks pay for the crossbow. This wouldn't help him wen rent was due, but he finally got a legit grapple gun. Wayne bought a few bolts with the left over cash and hurried to his car. He threw the crossbow in the back seat on top of his gym bag and dashed off for his training camp.

The training camp was a dilapidated warehouse that had been abandoned for years. Wayne had spent time turning it into a haven where he could hone his skills and work out. He mostly just looked at porn and did push ups, occasionally punching a heavy bag he had hung from an I-beam. Wayne entered the building and got his crossbow out and propped it against the table he used for a work bench. It took Wayne several hours before he could attach the steel cable he had bought weeks prior to the bolts. He took some test shots at the ceiling on the warehouse, using a large square of sheet metal as the target. The bolts came disconnected from the cable every shot so he switched to shooting at the wall until he succeeded.

Finally, the cable held as he fired the bolt and he was overjoyed by the outcome. Wayne would fire the bolt into the ceiling so he could climb up and retrieve the other bolts he had fired. Wayne braced himself and fired the crossbow. His aim held true and the missile lodged into the metal square. He pulled against the steel cable to make sure it wouldn't budge. Feeling good about the anchor strength Wayne jumped up and grasped the cable. He pulled himself up about a foot from the ground and held himself steady. The ceiling groaned and creaked for a moment. Bruzinski's grip slipped and he landed back on his feet.

Wayne figured he needed gloves for the climb and he donned the whole Manbat outfit, he would need to climb in it any way and what better time than training. He went back to the steel cable, this time pushing the work bench over to get a better jump start before he started his climb. He climbed on the table, jumped and grabbed the line. He went hand over hand a few times before he heard a snap and he fell back to the concrete floor. He blew his knees out on impact and sunk to the floor screaming. He lay on his back as the ceiling above him began to buckle. The Manbat, in all his cunning, had fired the bolt into the industrial air conditioning unit. His weight had caused the ceiling to crumble and the clamps holding the 600 lbs unit to snap. The whole thing came down on the Manbat crushing his body as well as his dreams to thwart crime.

Wayne's body was not found for some two years when a bulldozer operator discovered it when the building had been approved for demolition.    

The Manbat Says No To Crack

Wayne Bruzinski sat behind the counter at the Gas Up waiting for the store to close. He hated having to work late because it cut into his Manbat beat. He flipped through a titty magazine his boss kept in the office, "Man that chick gives me a bat stiffy." He said aloud.

After he jerked one out in the bathroom he heard the door bell chime. A shifty looking man entered and strode to the counter. After buying a pack of smokes the man looked at Wayne and says, "You like to party?"

"What kind of party?" Wayne asked, his interest peeked more than the ears on the Manbat suit. He was sweating from his playtime in the bathroom, and he wiped at his face constantly.

"I got some really good crack the other day and I'm trying to sell this shit. You look like a tweeker, so... You wanna party?" The man explained.

Wayne was about to decline but realized this was the perfect chance to take out a scum bag tonight. "Yeah, but you got to meet me here out back a two a.m." He told the man. "I'll buy all the crack you have, I'm absolutely fucking bonkers for crack."

The man agreed to return and Wayne was giddy at the prospect of serving up hot justice, so hot the big boobed bimbo in the magazine paled in comparison. Wayne's shift drew to a close when the phone rang. He answered, it was his boss. He wanted Bruzinski to leave the deposit out so he could drop it in the night box at the bank. Wayne's boss explained he was down at a managers meeting nearby and wanted to drop the deposit off before he went home so he could nurse his hangover in the morning rather than come in to the Gas Up.

"Yeah, I'll leave it next to the back door, on the wire rack under a newspaper. Take it easy boss, I'm gonna lock up and get out of here." Wayne hung up the phone and locked the doors. He dropped the deposit on the wire rack and took his costume out of his gym bag. 'Perfect, I can use the spy hatch on the back door to keep watch for the man, thanks for the call boss.' Wayne thought himself clever and watched out said hatch to wait for the drug dealer.

As he waited Wayne spied the titty magazine once again. He snatched up the book, yanked his vinyl pants down and beat his dick like it tried to sell him crack. Our hero climaxed and the seminal fluid got all over his hands. Before he could find a towel he heard footsteps behind the store. He looked out and saw the crack dealer standing behind the store. Wayne jerked his pants up and looked about for something to strike the drug dealer with. He found a small length of pipe. Brandishing the pipe the Manbat unbolted the door and leaped out screaming, "I AM THE MANBAT, FEEL MY WRAITH!"

"What the fuck.." The man blurted before Wayne cleaned his clock with the pipe. The man hit the ground, out cold from the blow. Wayne bent down and went through the drug dealers pockets. He found a bag of crack, a couple crack pipes and a Brillo pad. He scooped up the contraband and took it inside. As he entered the back door, hands full of crack, his cape snared on the wire rack knocking it and the deposit to the ground. Wayne pulled his cape free and picked up the deposit. Money and crack in hand Wayne took one step in when the office door opened suddenly. It was Wayne's boss. The man took one look at Bruzinski, wearing the Manbat costume and holding the store's deposit in his hands with the back door hanging open.

"Don't move!" Wayne's boss yelled as he pulled a .38 revolver from his jacket.

"No fuck don't.." Was all Wayne said as he held up the pipe he had assaulted the drug dealer with. Wayne's boss fired all six rounds into Wayne and then called the police.

Wayne had died from the bullet wounds on the way to the hospital. The police had reported Wayne Bruzinski was scouring crack at the store, using the deposit money when the deal went bad. The cops had confirmed Wayne sexually assaulted the drug dealer after hitting him with the pipe because of the traces of semen they found on the man's pants and shirt. Wayne's boss did not suffer any charges, evoking the Stand Your Ground clause after seeing Wayne brandishing a pipe with the store's deposit in hand. If Wayne were alive he would have been jailed for armed robbery, assault and rape.

Find The Manbat On Facebook

There is a blog page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/themanbatwaynebruzinski and also you can straight look up Wayne Bruzinski on Facebook and friend him!  You'll know you have the right guy when you see the sweet batman suit!

Like and friend us today and stay abreast of all the Manbat happenings.  Thanks everyone for making this fun to do!

The Manbat Saves The Day

Wayne Bruzinski was driving his LTD down a local highway when he noticed a car pulled off to the side of the road.  He slowed down enough to take a look at the person changing the flat tire and noticed that it was a very attractive woman.  What kind of superhero would he be if he didn't help this woman fix her car?

His car came to a stop about 30 feet from where the woman's car was parked.  After licking his fingers and smoothing down his eyebrows, Bruzinski made his way to the woman.  "Bruzinski, Wayne Bruzinski" he said.  The woman grunted as she wrestled with the 4 way lug wrench.  "Hi, I'm Gina" she replied, never taking her eyes off of her work.  "I could tighten those for you" Wayne said.  Gina then looked up at him.  "Thanks" she said as she stood up and brushed herself off. 

She was a decently attractive woman close up, but not originally as hot as Bruzinski thought.  Her build was average and she sported muffin tops and a flat butt.  That didn't stop Wayne though, he was going to be her hero.  He tightened down the last bolt and let the car down off of the jack, which he then placed into her trunk along with the rest of the tools she had used.

"I can't offer you any money" Gina said to him.  Wayne rolled his eyes and replied "That's okay, money isn't what I'm interested in".  She looked at him hesitantly.  "We could go to dinner sometime" he suggested.  "Okay" she agreed.  After a short conversation, the two parted ways.

Wayne spent the next 2 days feverishly masturbating in anticipation of his dinner date with Gina.  A million scenarios played through his head, all ending in him getting laid.  His date was still a couple days away but he just couldn't wait that long.  He had to see her.

A thought jumped into Wayne's mind.  He remembered when he watched The Green Lantern movie and Green Lantern had saved a woman then flew up to her window and hung out with her.  "Fuck yeah" he said to himself as he picked up his keys and headed to his car.

He drove to Gina's house, parking about 3 houses down and hoofing it to her house.  He spotted an open tool shed in her neighbor's yard and ducked in to change into his superhero costume.  "She's going to be so fucking impressed" he whispered as he pulled his suit on.  He noticed that the suit was tighter that usual.  That as probably due to the fact that he'd left it in car the entire last week.  When he was done here he knew he would have to do some alterations.  He made a mental note not to leave the suit in his car anymore.

After changing he walked up to her house.  "God damn" he thought to himself as he noticed the crotch of his costume was really tight.  He headed back to the tool shed and took the pants off.  After which he removed his underwear and stuffed them into a watering can in the shed, pulled the pants back on, and went about his business. 

He was standing in Gina's backyard eyeing the only lit window in the whole house.  "Paydirt" he silently mouthed.  As he stood there he wondered how he was going to get on the roof so he could knock on her window.  He decided in his mind that he would knock on the window and she would open it, pull him in, and make love to him.  He remembered seeing a ladder next to the tool shed in the neighbor's yard. 

After retrieving the ladder and propping it against the house, Wayne made his way quickly to the roof.  All the scenarios were playing in his head again.  As he stepped off the ladder it fell down into the yard.  Wayne didn't care because he'd likely spend the night with Gina anyway so he wouldn't need it.  Making his way to the window, he realized he had an erection.

He was just outside the window.  The only way he'd be able to see in is if he crouched.  Upon doing so the crotch split on his costume and his genitals flopped out.  He was still rock hard and started trying to tuck his penis back into his costume when he elbowed the window.  Gina jumped off the bed, grabbing a flashlight as she went, and shined it out the window.  She gasped as she noticed a masked man in a crotchless vinyl suit with his dick in his hand was looking into her window.

"OH GOD DAMNIT" Wayne cursed.  He ran around the side of the window, further up the roof.  Gina promptly called the police and all he could do is wait because the ladder fell down.  He thought of explaining himself but when he went back to the window she was no longer in the bedroom.  Wayne tested the window to see if it was unlocked, but it was not. 

When the police arrived Bruzinski was arrested for indecent exposure and aggravated menacing.  Gina didn't even find out that it was Wayne until the day of the trial.  He was found guilty on all charges and was sentenced to 2 years in jail, and had to register as a sex offender.  When the judge asked Wayne if he had anything to say for himself, he nodded.  He looked at Gina and said "Would you still like to go to dinner"?